I apologise unreservedly ... it wasn't irony it was sarcasm, but I promise I won't post any more of this garbage... I don't want the ban-stick nor any enemies on this lovely site...

I'll put my tin hat on anyway... I suppose if the ban-stick comes at least I'll get some work done...

Sorry h and bye xxx

How many Israeli army officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, and if he is too small he could stand on an English gentleman's hat to reach it. That way he could change the lightbulb and crush Hizbowler.

Have you ever wondered what ever happened to Kate Adie? Find out in her new, unathorised biography 'Too many Wars, not enough time...'

handsomeis - thanks - praise from you is praise indeed - glad to hear your REAL NEWS is coming back as I was just getting into it - I'll be wanting to join your writing club next - spurred on by your comments - here's another one from your adoring fan, Frankie xxx

How many Israeli Army Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two - One to change the light bulb and one to fly the Apache Attack Helicopter and accidentally fire the missiles into the Christmas Tree lights

(Phonetic joke this one)

Where did Saddam Hussain keep his wine?

In Iraq.

Old joke alert:

An army colonel is visiting a Baghdad base for an inspection. He notices everything is as it should be but asks how the men cope without 'female company'. He's told that the men have a camel at their disposal, and although a little shocked accepts it as necessary. A few nights later with his stay nearly over, the colonel asks the major if he could borrow the camel to which it's agreed. The next morning the colonel tells the major that although sickening at first, the camel was one of the best partners he'd ever had and fully condoned the use of it. In total shock the major informed the colonel that he'd misunderstood and the men merely use the camel to travel to the local massage parlour!

Re-write / fine-tuning:

How many Israeli Army Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two - One to change the light bulb and one to fly the Apache Longbow Attack Helicopter and accidentally fire LIVE missiles into the Christmas Tree lights...

and another one before bed time, OK Mam, OK, I know...

How many Israeli Army Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

One to take out the light bulb, a full magazine to confirm the light bulb has been taken out and any number of Officers to screw the new one

George Bush has announced a day for pulling troops out of iraq, its called election day

What's the difference between the Vietnam and Iraq wars?

George W.Bush had a plan to get out of Vietnam.

Sick joke alert!!!

With appologies to jamie g, here is a further punchline to his squaddie joke...

ANOTHER SOLDIER RUSHES IN, BREATHLESS AND FLUSHED. HE IS CARRYING A ROUND BUNDLE UNDER HIS ARM.

Sqaddie 3:- You'll never guess...I've just had the best 'head' of my life...!

British troops in Iraq are furious as another Jim Davidson tour is announced today!

!!!

how many israeli officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

three, on 11th april 2007, as in keping with the apocalyptic prophecy of the book of revelations

How many israeli officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

In Lebanon , none , there's a blackout in force.
In Israel , none , the Lord said, "let there be light" job done.

France 1940. Captain Graham and Private Stubbs are trapped behind German lines. Surrounded and with no ammo left, Stubbs picks up a spade and makes to break cover.

Graham stops him. "No! I won't let you lay down your life like that Stubbs. In 60 years time who will remember us? There will still be pointless wars and young men like you and me will die for the sake of what?"

Stubbs struggles... "But sir..."

Captain Graham pulls him back. "I won't let you go to your death man. I have one shot left in this revolver. If we put out heads together we can think of something..."

Stubbs breaks free. "Oh please let me go sir... Please."

Graham breaks down in tears. "Why man? Why???!"

Stubbs: "Cos I'm dying for a sh*te sir and I could never do it in front of an officer"

Sorry everyone! This was originally a sketch!

MC

hahahahaha
i'll be del monte, you be the orange
i say yes
you say cheers mate (most likely)
i love joes that revolve around 5hite... but not poo, strangely

Had a good night out, geordiebiscuits??

How many light bulbs does it take to change an Israeli Army Officer?

No one knows, many try, but still they can't see the light...

An Iraqi civilian walked into a bar...

Well that was the U.S. Military's excuse at the inquest.

wetblanket:
yes thanks. though didnt enjoy it as much as my 7 hour warehouse shift the next morning.

frankie:
hahaha

jertsey:
hahaha

Libya, China and Syria are furious that despite upping their game, they have yet again being overlooked at being named in the prestigeous 'Axis of Evil'
They have now set up there own gang and are calling themselves 'The Axis of super Evil' and have warned Bush and Blair that they are going to do some really evil things...... soon

Young Private Henderson is driving a General to his next meeting.

The General leans forward and taps the Henderson on the shoulder.

Henderson screams and swerves all over the road, finally ending up in a ditch.

There is a brief silence as the two compose themselves.

General: "Sorry if I startled you Private."

Henderson: "That's OK Sir, it wasn't your fault. It's just that this is my first day on V.I.P Escorting duty as I've spent the last couple of years of the war transporting the bodybags".

How many Israeli Army Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the bulb and 1 to request that no military action is taken against officers who act legally against vicious and atrocious terror by light bulbs

This years stand-up world championship is to be televised from a prison cell in Baghdad in front of a VIP audience.
One of contestants commented:-
"Its going to be a tough competition this year but I think the viewers will enjoy watching the expressions on his face."

The result of the latest Lebanese opinion poll has now been announced.

99.9% voted in favour of the resolution.

From now on the country will be known as Hezbollah-land.

I think the competition's over isn't it, but anyway...

How many Isreali Officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well, I find if use a suitable stepladder or an equivalent and safe base upon which to elavate one's self to first remove the dead bulb, then exchange it with a newly acquired replacement, perhaps from your local supermarket, then one person is all that is required. Yes, definitely, just the one. In conclusion, only one Israeli Officer would be required.