The Presidential visit to the UK is capped off by a reception at Buckingham Palace., during which President Bush meets the Queen (gawd bless er)

DUBYA: As I'm the President and can do whatever I want, I'm thinking of changing how the USA is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom.

QUEEN: I'm sorry Mr Bush, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge - and you're not a King.

DUBYA (thinks awhile – which is clearly painful): How about a Principality then?

QUEEN: Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince - and you're not a Prince, Mr Bush.

DUBYA (really tries to have a good think about this) : How about an Empire then?

QUEEN (Getting a little annoyed by now): Sorry again, Mr Bush, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge - and you are not an Emperor.

(Dubya, getting ready to have another stab, looks pensive but before he can add one last turd to the banquet of regal verbal diarrhoea, he is interrupted)

QUEEN: Mr Bush, on the whole, I think you're doing quite nicely as a country.

In a major 'Heads of state' luncheon the Queen was suffering from chronic flatulence. Every now and then an audible 'parp' was heard but was not attributted to the monarch.

All of a sudden a surpise loud 'parp' erupted and the Queen, quick thinking as she is, glared at the footman stood beside her and said, "Jenkins, stop that at once"

The quicker thinking footman replied, "certainly maam, in which direction was is heading."