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Oh honey I really, really feel for you..
I was a single mother for a long time until I met my husband, and I know it's a hell of a struggle...
My little girl was 9 months old when her Dad and I split up, and although she sees him as often as we are able to manage (he lives a long way away), it's had a terrible effect on her too. She had chronic constipation for over 18 months, her Nana (my mum) died when she was 3, we've moved over 5 times in her lifetime, and it's only been since she started school, and had a stable home life that she's got back onto some sort of level.
What's happening with your little boy is NOT YOUR FAULT. Being a single parent is no joke, and I can totally understand how you are feeling. You have done nothing wrong, you love your son, and just by loving him, you are the best mum in the world.
Get down on his level - tell him you love him and just talk to him - if he doesn't reply then that's ok - you know he can hear you, and he will take it all on board.
Talk to his Dad, too, and lay out some ground rules about your routine that you have with your son, and that you expect him to follow your sons routine. I'm lucky that I'm still good friends with my daughters Dad, and we can talk openly about her and her needs. I know that's not true for everyone. Try and encourage him to spend as much time as possible with his son - I don't know if the relationship you have with his Dad is a good one, or if you can't stand each other, but he is his Dad, and if you are your sons main carer, he must respect the way you want to bring your son up, and his routines, habits and who he is.
Give it time, hon... like I say, love your son, talk to other folk, and you will get there.
*Hugs you*
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