Hi, my little mini-me is now 22 months and has turned into the most unplacatable, moody, screaming, stubborn little monster! My son is 4 in april and obviously he had tantrums but my daughter has taken it to a whole new level. It beggars belief at the things she will start about - it's liek we're on eggshells the whole time not wanting to 'set her off'. She will not wear clothes, she will not wear nappies - even though she is aware she has "gone" she's just not at the no nappies stage but try telling her. She won't be helped to do anything - however small so she'll scream if you help her and screech because she can't do something. She'll stamp till she's red in the face. I love her to bits, she's so funny and absolutely gorgeously cute to look at but she's become a little monster for the entire day.
I have places to go, I have things to do - I can't be standing around for two hours trying to dress her when I have to get my son to pre-school. I need to go christmas shopping but she has a cat-fit every time she sees a toy baby as she thinks she should have them - all. I have no family near me to take her while I get things done. Her dad doesn't help by having a pretend tantrum when she does - that's like applauding her for it. He gets a bit highly strung and winds them up i think which really doesn't help (it's a lot calmer when he works away all week!).
Is it a girl thing? I know it's a phase but has anyone any tips about the clothes and nappy issue. If forced into them she'll scream for half an hour about it and rip as many off as soon as possible.
hiya, my son is exactly the same age, 2 in feb. He is also becoming mr independant. Form wanting to put his own shoes on, coat etc, (which he can't do) do having to walk everywhere, even up stairs/downstairs (has to be supervised). He does have tantrums when we are out, the big one being not wanting to go in the pushchair. Unfortunatly, also having a daugher just over 5 months, I can't have him walking even on reighs, as it's just not safe for any of us.
However, i'm sure you have already tried this. He dose respond well to being reasoned with and the occsaional bribe. Not sweets, but maybe a 5 min stop off at the park on the journey. I do find this quicker than, like you say, the 30 minuite battle to get out of the house.
I'm not sure about the nappy issue as my son clearly has no idea what it is and what it is for. Does she want to wear pants? If that is the problem all I can suggest is pull ups. If she wants to wear nothing, then maybe just have the potty near by and see if you can get lucky before she 'goes'.
thanks for your reply. re: bribing she just says yes to anything you say anyway bless her and what I've said doesn't really register - she wouldn't understand five minutes at the park, or the advent calender chocolate in return for the things I want done - she just wants them! and they are already pull up pants I've tried that! She appears to want to be "free"! I've been leaping across the room with the potty the last couple of days as she does go "o-oh" for a couple of minutes before a "motion" appears! My son was the same - he just wore them without a problem up until potty trained. She is a little nightmare! My son was exactly my daughter's age 22 months when I had her - I'm just glad I had them this way round as I'd be round the bleeding bend with her and a newborn
In my experience, girls are always more of a handful!! My nephew is a breeze compared to both my daughters!! But girls keep you on your toes and are very curious. Both girls and boys are fab but very different. I think it is nice if you have one of each. I seem to be predisposed to producing girls....both are handfuls...although my mum says nowhere near as much of a handful as I was!!!
Whe carrying my second, and finding out is was a girl, I chose to ignore all the comments like, you will have your work cut out, and, you will know it if you have a girl! Wow, should I have taken it on board and prepared myself.
We have this running joke about when she turns into a terradactyl. As she can get into such a state for no apparent reason, and that is the only way we can describe the bllod curdeling screams she produces. I have come to learn that when keeping her happy and content that.... prevention is better than a cure. She constantlt needs stimulation and doesn't spen much time playing away by herself, whereas my son would entertain himself happily for many hours. He was and is quite an 'easy' child to have. (Terrible 2's are lurking though).
Try setting out two outfits the evening before, and letting her choose which one she wants to wear the next day – this will help her feel a bit more independent. Also, buy vests that fasten with studs underneath and wear this over her tights to physically stop her pulling them off. Stick to shoes, cardigans, jackets etc that she can’t unfasten herself for now. Also, make a huge big fuss of your son getting dressed, keeping his clothes on, being a very good boy etc. to help get the message across.
Make getting dressed the very first thing that happens every morning – don’t allow her to leave her bedroom or play with any toys until she is fully dressed. If this causes a tantrum ignore her screaming and calmly ask every few minutes “are you ready to get dressed and go downstairs to play/watch TV/get breakfast now?” – keep going until she gives in, (even if it’s a long wait), and give her big kisses, cuddles and loads of praise when she does decide to get ready. She will quickly learn that there’s no point fighting a battle she’s never going to win, and look for the positive attention instead! Again, you must keep your manner consistent and calm, even when you don’t feel that way.
As far as the tantrums go, have you tried 'time-out'/ 'naughty step'? This can take a little time to work, but consistency & perseverance should pay off big time, eventually!
She has to learn there are consequences for her actions, and I think this is a good thing in the long term. Even if she deliberately, defiantly or angrily continues behaving badly after a warning, it doesn’t really matter. As long as you insist that she has a time-out, she should start learning to calm herself down, which becomes a valuable and useful skill as she grows up. Time-out doesn’t need to be just one spot at your home – choose a spot wherever you happen to be at the time! It’s crucial that she always apologises at the end of time out before she’s allowed to leave the time-out spot – try moving her mouth and saying sorry for her if she totally refuses to do this herself initially – believe it or not this actually works. Your best bet it to start this on a day/ weekend when you don’t have to leave the house urgently, as you’ll probably spend the whole day putting her in time out!
It's difficult for kids this age to express themselves, and often 'naughty' behavior is just their way of trying to exert some control on the mad & confusing world that's all around them! Being naughty is perfectly normal and often loveable and funny just like you say, (trying to keep a straight face can be hard!). I know it’s difficult when your out & about, but if you can’t distract her b4 a huge tantrum kicks in, let her lie on the ground and scream as loud as she likes - completely ignore her behavior and pretend to be interested in anything else that’s going on around you. Don’t make the mistake of giving-in after 15 mins, as you’ll only teach her that if she carries on long enough, her tantrum will work! My son usually has quite a calm nature, but on one occasion he lay screaming on the floor in a mobbed shopping center for just over half an hour – it was really hard at the time and I got loads of stares, but I just kept telling myself that it would just be harder next time if I gave in – he’s had tantrums again since, but seems to ‘allow himself’ to be distracted much more quickly now!
He has gone through phases of 'refusing' to apologise a few times, so be prepared for this. I've never made a drama out of it and he's had to stay on his seat - I think six refusals in a row was his best shot! Eventually he gets bored of trying to 'win' and chooses to apologise - then goes about his usual business quite happily!
Remember that tantrums are scary and emotional for her too – try not to be angry afterwards – and that she will feel much happier and more in control as her tantrums become fewer.
Also, we all know that tantrums are ‘just a phase’ ….unfortunately, I generally find mums get ZILCH comfort from this fact!!
p.s. you really need to get your husband on side so try talking to him. If he won't listen then get someone else to talk to him for you - he'll probably be furious at first, but you need to sort this out quickly for all your sakes. Remember that YOUR behavior has a huge impact on your daughters behavior - I really noticed this at the start of my second pregnancy when I felt really edgy, upset and emotional. It took me a full week however to realise that my calm wee boy hadn't been taken over by 'Damien' overnight - and that he was reacting to the change in my mood and behavior... think hard and be honest with yourself on this count.
It sounds to me as though you and you're partner/husband need to work out together how to deal with her behaviour. If you're both working from a different book it will just confuse her.
Firstly and most importantly NEVER, EVER feed a tantrum. Tantrums are bad behaviour NEVER reward her for it, however hard that might be for you. Just ignore it. It will be hard, but it's something you just have to do.
If you give in once she'll tantrum twice as hard next time.
As for what clothes she wants to wear, my advice would be to choose for her, DON'T ask her, just TELL her 'Thats what you are wearing today' Don't try to reason with her.
Please don't try and avoid a situation where she might tantrum, a lot of parents do this, but it doesn't work in the long run, only for that moment. You need to take back control, your the adult she's a kid. You are more than capable of dealing with this.
Children need boundaries, they are much happier when they have them and as they grow up you can slowly give them more responsibility for themselves. But, before you can do that YOU need to be in charge.
It sounds to me that your little girl is very bright and is in my opinion (and I'm not an expert) she is manipulating you into giving her what she wants, when she wants it. Now it's not that she's naughty, just that she wants to run before she can walk, and thats why parents are there, to make the decisions for them.
Watch Supernanny and how Jo Frost deals with tantrums, she's never let me down!
Consistancy is definatly the key, and make sure you and your partner are working together, so that you can both combat the behaviour in the same way. Otherwise, she will learnt o play you off against each other.
I agree with not giving her a choice with things, as she will just start to tink she has a choice in other situations.
Tell her what she needs to do, and then explain why she needs to do it. Like sillycat explained, you are the adult, and she is the child, and she needs to understand that you are the person who has control.
It may be hard for her as she is stiil only young herself, but you just have to imagine what extent it could reach in another year.
My son is about the same age, and is going through this stage too, but I will just ignore his bad behaviour, I tend not to use any labels directly as I don't want him to think that he is naughty... and make it clear it is his behaviour that upsets me. He is very empathetic, so if I show him that I am really sad, and look tearful, he will usually stop in his tracks.
I haven't found the naughty step works for me, as he simply won't sit there.
When I think about it, I have dressed him in his day clothes form the minute he gets out of bed, and did this since he was out of baby gro's in the day. I still chabge him on a station too, so he doesn't have chance to go anywhere or argue, so maybe if you changed her somewhere she couldn't really argue. And do it straight away, and tell her she can't do naything elses until she is desses.
Hi there well 1st of all it can be terrible being in your situation and having no -one to help and support * 1st try to stay calm when she behaves in this way * pick 2 outfits the night before and ask her to choose, obviously don't pick stuff you don't want her to wear. * Ignore her tants and screaming even though it's hard, * Reward her when she co-operates and this doesn't have to be with a toy or a treat a good cuddle or a playful touch of her hair and a well done you are a good girl usually does the trick. There's probably more I could come up with but Im full of a lousy virus at the moment, anyway try these and let us know how you get on GOOD LUCK
My 2 year old daughter was a horror just like yours by the sounds of it.
try this one it works for us, instaed of saying to your daughter you will wear this today, take her to where you keep her clothes and say what do you want on today? is she potty trained yet? if she does not want a nappy on, puts some knickers on her, she might want to learn sooner than you may think.
Our daughter decided when she was only 18months that was the last time she would werar a nappy during the day, and started potty training herself, it was so much better than our 1st daugter beleave me.
How about trying distraction? Sometimes making my kid laugh or focus on something else draws attention from what I really want her to do. Put on a Laurie Berkner Band Video on your computer (or TV or CD player) or start singing a goofy song first (making her visualize the off-ball thing you're singing about) while you are calmly putting on her nappies or panties or Pull-ups,will entertain her enough to get by. Or maybe start asking questions like you don't have a clue what the answer is (How do I put on this sock? Does it go on my nose ? Of course it does, just like an elelphant or ant-eater! Now... where are those ants I want to eat? Are they in your armpits? crunch, munch, crunch) Make a silly moment to just "refuse" her will to be obstinate or a sourpuss. I'm a mom of 4-year-old boy/girl twins...believe me it doesn't get easier w/ the girl...you have to outsmart her with wit and love and just plain acting dumb (like you don't even register her acting the diva.) Good Luck!!
my daughter has taken it to a whole new level. It beggars belief at the things she will start about - it's liek we're on eggshells the whole time not wanting to 'set her off'. She will not wear clothes, she will not wear nappies - even though she is aware she has "gone" she's just not at the no nappies stage but try telling her. She won't be helped to do anything - however small so she'll scream if you help her and screech because she can't do something. She'll stamp till she's red in the face.
bless her and what I've said doesn't really register - she wouldn't understand five minutes at the park, or the advent calender chocolate in return for the things I want done - she just wants them!
She appears to want to be "free"! I've been leaping across the room with the potty the last couple of days as she does go "o-oh" for a couple of minutes before a "motion" appears! My son was the same - he just wore them without a problem up until potty trained.
