Sir As a group of academics and professionals we are alarmed that Channel 4 is broadcasting such an exploitative parenting series as Bringing Up Baby the last part of which is to be shown tomorrow.Many techniques used in these programmes are outdated and completely fly in the face of our scientific knowledge about brain development in very young babies.
That anyone should be billed as an expert and allowed to promote ideas such as not making eye contact with babies and not comforting them when they are in distress is at best irresponsible and at worst dangerous. And to see these theories being put into practice with real babies in the name of entertainment is deeply worrying.
Last year, the Family and Parenting Institute surveyed parents to ask them their opinions on TV parenting programmes and some 83% of the respondents said that they found a technique in these programmes helpful to them. So with these programmes having such an influence on parents it is shocking that broadcasters are not exercising more responsibility.
Sadly the exploitation of both babies and children in the pursuit of high ratings is becoming ever more common: the BBC3 programme Baby Borrowers earlier this year was another case in point where babies and young children were "lent" to teenage couples in a programme that was intended to bring in viewers by being shocking.
We call on all production companies to stop making television programmes which give parents irresponsible advice and turn the suffering of tiny babies and children into adult entertainment.
Mary MacLeod, Chief Executive, Family and Parenting Institute
Penny Mansfield, Director, One plus One
Dorit Braun, Chief Executive, Parentline Plus
Dr Shirley Gracias, Chair, The Association for Infant Mental Health UK
Dr Cheryll Adams, Acting Lead Professional Officer, Unite-Community Practitioners and Health Visitors Association
Christine Bidmead, Chair of Health Visiting Forum,Unite-Community Practitioners and Health Visitors Association
Stephen Scott BSc FRCP FRCPsych, Professor of Child Health & Behaviour, Consultant Child & Adolescent Psychiatrist, Kings College,London
Helen Dent, Chief Executive, Family Welfare Association Dr Shirley Gracias AIMH UK Knowle Clinic,Broadfield Road,Bristol,BS4 2UH
Unfortunately, I think some parents who may not have experienced the loving attachment factors that an infant needs in their own childhood, may well copy this method thinking it is valid as it may not be quite so instinctual to them.
As it appears CV may not have experienced sensitive, loving interaction for herself, hence now shown in how she treats infants.
She clearly feels their is nothing wrong with her methods and is too defensive to reflect on the damaging scientific facts that she is being presented with.
Empathy for another develops in childhood when it is shown by another (generally the parent) to the infant/child...
A discussion would have sufficed, alongside psychological and neurological research from the 90's and 00's. There was no need to film it practiced it on families and newly born infants.
If those things are happening today, there is nothing wrong in filming them and showing them. That's my personal opinion anyway. I think that the parents could have stopped that at any moment. But some were just in a hurry to go to work after 5 weeks...
Claire might deny that what she is doing is wrong but i think that some people (like me) needed to see how some people treated their kids to form an opinion.
Oh god - what a load of rubbish - I (and my sister) were brought up on the 1950'method and I can assure you there is nothing wrong with us!!
I cannot believe how completely insane and irrationale the response has been to this programme.
Ok - some might not accept or approve of CV's method...........where are the case studies to show otherwise??? oh yes....there are none.....ok...go ahead and (as some of you suggest) ask the babies what they tinnk.....becuase I can tell you they will not know the differnce.....do any of you remember what happened in you daily lives when you were 4 months??? No.........thought not.........go to any website on sleep clinics and see what they have to say...........
There are many studies if you haven't been following the forum. Go and check out the SIDS site for occurrence of deaths to babies left to sleep alone in comparison to those that aren't. Go check the WHO (world health organisation site) for approved methods of feeding babies and introduction to solids. Have a read of the NSPCC site about importance of emotional attachment to your baby.
Some of us, believe it or not, had babies as an extension to our lives, not as something to shut up when we 'wanted our lives back'. They're part of our lives, treat them as such.
Exactly - that is how I see my children..an extebsion of our lives... and that is the way that my children have been brought up.... I have done it both ways (baby in bed for years on end) and now baby in owm bed.
I can tell you which way I and baby prefer.....you are obviously an expert on all baby health care issues.......give me the name of a leading paediatrician on this matter and then I will give it some consideration......or perhaps you may want to look at recent publicattions..........
In my experience people who get all defensive about baby training and detached techniques don't want to listen to the evidence. They get that selective hearing thing!
So no point saying how those first few years, especially month are crucial. The brain is basically forming, neural connections being made and the way you treat them determines the paths made. Influencing the mental and physical wellbeing and personality for that child for the rest of their life. If you think it's ok to leave them to cry etc and was treated the same way it proves it! I personally think people who care about others' feelings are nice to know.
on the benefits of a good nights sleep and what 'sleep clinics' recommend....children do so much better when they have had a restful nights sleep...and this does not mean that you are ignoting them during the day......quite the contrary......plenty of love and stumulation and play during the day ensures that they get a good nights rest.
I'm not an expert and do not claim to be one. I'd rather have a full night's sleep in a way that is instinctive to me and my children than any of these bizarre "controlling" methods that sleep clinics provide. Has it never entered your head that sleep clinics only exist because of people being told by folks like CV how to INFLICT sleep? And then wondering why problems like night terrors etc arise later?
Ok moogy boobles... I hear what you say. I am not defensive. I am merely putting my opinion across. In my expereince people who cannot accept others points of views are narrow minded.
Please do give me the name of a leading paediatrician and I will assess my point of view.
It appears that you have not read the advice already suggested by those above and myself. Maybe read and reflect before you react.
This type of defensiveness you are showing was my point exactly. Those who have not experienced sensitive loving responsiveness to their needs find it very difficult to respond to an infants needs in a way that supports the development of a resilient and empathic child into adulthood. Who can in turn respond empathically to the needs of others. A perpetuating cycle...
Did you not feel anything for that infant at the hands of CV? Are you not concerned about cot death?
Originally posted by karen999: I can tell you which way I and baby prefer.....you are obviously an expert on all baby health care issues.......give me the name of a leading paediatrician on this matter and then I will give it some consideration......or perhaps you may want to look at recent publicattions..........
Well if you check out the petition relating to this show you'll see many well known names in this field!
For a start Michel Odent (obstetrician) very much supports the attached approach, his book Primal Health is worth checking out. You have Robin Balbernie ( Child Psychotherapist, AIMH member and works for Sure Start), William Sears goes without saying he is a very experienced paediatrician and big believer in continuum style parenting, you have Professor Margot Sunderland from the Centre for Child Mental Health, the neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp and Dr. Allan Schore...for a start! You can find on the australian Association of Infant Mental Health their press release aimed at parents warning them not to do controlled crying. They don't just release those without good warning. There is also a similar article on our own AIMH site. There is genuine (none of this pseudo stuff) science behind the warnings not to leave babies to cry. If you really are interested The Science of Parenting book is a good start.
Ok everybody - you can quote me web links that support your way of thinking......belive me I have read these and many more ( with my first child who did not sleep)
The fact is that there is nothing that you can say to convince me that my baby is not happy or contented...she is adorable and full of fun and is quite advanced for seven months.
I believe that routine is beneficial for my daughter......she is loved and well cared for. And for the past seven months she has gone down to bed at 7pm without a peep.....is this bad???
I have nothing against routine, if it's a natural one, not imposed from a timetable. It evolves with time and you don't really notice it until you think about it. Like I know my youngest usually likes to sleep about lunch time, but used to sleep about 10am. We just go with the flow.
It's the controlled crying I have a problem with, it's known scientifically to cause harm and I see no need to use it when there are other kinder risk free ways of dealing with bedtime! I also can't see what is so important with sleeping through anyway to have to resort to this.
Yes, I will check these out but she is already in a routine and so to change this I think would be bad.....besides as much as you give me info about your opinion there are countless others who give a different approach...all very confusing but I know what did not work first time around and I know what has worked second time around.
This notion of "getting our lives back" is what annoys me. Your life changes when you have kids. It will never be "Your life" again. You cant have kids and expect to start up where you left off.
Originally posted by karen999: Ok everybody - you can quote me web links that support your way of thinking......belive me I have read these and many more ( with my first child who did not sleep)
The fact is that there is nothing that you can say to convince me that my baby is not happy or contented...she is adorable and full of fun and is quite advanced for seven months.
I believe that routine is beneficial for my daughter......she is loved and well cared for. And for the past seven months she has gone down to bed at 7pm without a peep.....is this bad???
She may well appear contented but if not responded to when crying as an infant she has probably learnt that crying gets no response and an infant needs to conserve energy if they have no one to comfort their distress, hence sleep.
She may well have now learnt that presenting as contented and happy are the only emotions that are acceptable to others. Those sad, angry, distress and fearful emotions will still be inside her, just not shown. They also need to be validated and empathically responded too.
Controlled crying will probably make her more emotionally vulnerable in the face of later adverse distressing life events, as she is unlikely to be able to self regulate these emotions as no one has shown her how in infancy.
This is a very simplified synopsis so I suggest that you do read the Science of Parenting by Professor Margot Sunderland, or Why Love Matters by Sue Gerhadt, as a start.
Here is something to think about though. Could you imagine ignoring your adult partner or friend if they were crying in that way? Or imagine being ignored yourself if you were distressed and crying?
What would you feel like if ignored, would you go to that person that ignored you again if you were distressed?
I get what you are saying but I used controlled crying for 3 nights - I have never had to use it again..during the day if she cries I am there in an instant so what does this mean???
My two are very different. My eldest is a very high needs child, she seems to need constant stimulation and has always been an awful sleeper. We initially raised her the "conventional" way, she slept (and I use the term loosely!) in a moses basket, but always ended up in bed with us as I would fall asleep feeding her because she woke every 2-3 hours every night. When she was about 8 months old we put her in a cot in her own room, as people suggested we were disturbing her in the night. This just meant I had to get out of bed and go into her room to settle her, two, sometimes three times a night. Again, she always ended up in with us as I just couldn't keep getting up as I had to go to work in the morning. When she was about 1 I read "Three in a Bed" by Deborah Jackson. From that night on she slept in with us. She would go to bed into her own room and once she woke (after we had gone to bed) she would come in with us. And she slept. And so did I. Somewhere between 18-24 months the time she woke and came through to us got later and later until she was joining us at 6am, which was when we were waking up for work any way. She is still a fragile sleeper, she sleeps very deeply, but has short sleep cycles, and if something upsets her it effects her sleep and she will start to join us in our bed again. We don't make a big deal about this, and when life has settled again (eg, she is settled in her new school) she stops waking in the night and sleeps through again. But she sleeps secure in the knowledge that if she needs us, even if it is 2am, she can come and be with us.
My second baby has been "continuum'd" since birth. She sleeps really well, has no sleep problems, loves her "bed" (she sleeps in a bedside cot attached to our bed and) and happliy lies down in it when she is tired and we have no battles at bed time or any of the problems that so many parents battle with.
So, I have done the opposite to you, tried to put my first in a routine and she is the one with sleep problems (which eased once we started to "continuum" her) and "continuum'd" our second and she has no sleep issues and is in no way disruptive and clingy.
The bottom line is that some children are high needs, they don't need as much sleep as we expect them to, they don't "conform" to a stereotype or a rigid mould. The needs of every child are different. There is no way of knowing how your eldest would be if you had used controlled crying or routine feeds and rigid bedtimes with her. And no way you can say that the "70's" method is to blame for her sleep issues etc. And just because your youngest doesn't disturb you between 7pm and 7am doesn't mena she sleeps 12 hours, it just means she doesn't wake you if she wakes up. She may well have slept this well if you had kept herin bed with you, just without the nights of crying alone.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Nestle boycotting,nappy washing, co-sleeping, baby wearing, home birthing, tandem nursing Momma
Routines are for dancers, shedules are for trains
Attachment Parenting; the radical notion that babies and children are people too!!
Get your point however my youngest has had several colds since she was born and this means that sometimes she coughs in the night....I can tell you that I hear her and then go to her....by the time I get there (about ten seconds) she has gone back to sleep again so if she ever were to wake up crying I would know all about it.....and of course I would be there.
People seem to think that I have opted for the easy choice in getting her into a routine and trying to get her to sleep in her own cot but I know many who have their kids sleep in their own beds becasue it is easier and less hassle for them....I know because I did this first time around.
Karen999 It has been very interesting reading your contributions on this thread and following your level of agitation and the way it decreased as people began to relate to you with attunement. I think you have illustrated for us beautifully how 50's method works.
excellent point cherrytop - that is exactly what i was thinking. once your "needs" are met whether baby or adult, you calm down as you begin to trust : )
