That is right Nickycky... some children simply do not understand reason. I just want to try my hardest so that my children do.

quote:

Originally posted by Hysteria1983:
I agree that if a child has been badly behaved disiplin them how you see fit.

But what I can't understand is that someone might smack a child for touching something they shouldn't..... they shouldn't be able to touch something harmful or something they may damage in the first place.
That is what my argument is.

When I visit my friends flat her house is not 100% safe for my 2 year old as her 9 month old is not mobile.... so in that case he may be touching things that he shouldn't.... but he isn't being naughty. At home there isn't much of a need to tell him off as he can't do much wrong, maybe he is just well behaved and I am lucky.

If he were older I can't see that anything would be different ass he would understand that way of disiplin.
If a child is smacked from a young age... then it is very difficult to back track and then use non pyhsical punishmens as a way of disipline. They are used to a smack and baing spoken to just isn't enough. In that case it is the only thing that will work, but if a child has neverr needed a pyhisical punishment... they don't need that as a form of disipline.

Maybe it is a case of wrapping them up in cotton wool, I don't see it that way though. I don't hit my child.... but I make damn sure he know what is right and wrong.

Then it is your resposniblilty to keep an eye on them in the first place. And as a mother who thought it wasn't 100% safe, what on gods earth are you taking them there anyway?

valleyoflove....
Are you telling me that I should never take my children out of my house???????
Because the minute I set foot out of the door it is not a safe place for anyone, no matter what age they are.
I don't understand what your comment is about!
It is rather insulting that can make such a comment.

My friend does not yet have the need to safe guard her house as her son is not yet mobile, but that is not to say I cannot visit because her house is not 100% safe! It is simply up to me to keep him safe while he is there.

My parants, or in laws house is not safe for my child to play alone, but it is not up to other people to protect my children from harm when they are not in their home environment.

I would like you to explain what it is that you seem to have a problem with as I don't understand your frustration.

Surely you have children? And surely you know that not everywhere is safe all of the time? But that is just the world wee live in.

Am I doing something wrong? Or do you not let your child/children visit anywhere you do not see fit?

If that is the case, well what a shame, children have to have some chances to expore and learn that some things are wrong, otherwise they will never learn that some things are right.

My children have never come to any harm when out and about, but that is becasue I never take my eyes off them.

I am not sure if you have jumped into the post and just spurted out abuse, maybe not..... but please.... explain!
Thank you.

Lol at valleyoflove saying that if you didnt think an environment was 100% safe then you shouldnt take your child out!! If that were the case then my children would never leave the house...come to think of it, even a home environment is not 100% safe! How bizarre!! And it is impossible to keep your eyes on your child every second of every day...especially when you have more than one!! It is all about damage limitation....removing things that are percived hazards and trying to be on the ball for things that are not so obvious...even then it is pretty difficult!

quote:

Originally posted by Hysteria1983:
I don't think this was a case of how to raise your children, just a general debate about the issue. I was occasionally smacked as a child, but can't see it made any difference to just being sent to my room.

I was refering to how the goverment was dictating how to raise children. Nowadays kids will be sent to their room, don't get me wrong.

vallleyoflove...... I still don't think you are on the same wavelength here. Lol.

Sorry.

You seem to have totally ignored my post in reply to you, and simply quoted me about something else... and you are just not making sense..... you will have to elaborate a bit more on your point.

No were not, but no hard feelings.

ok.

I was just browsing the C4 forums and I would like to post my view on this.
I am seventeen and I don't have any children but when I was younger my Dad smacked me and my Mum didn't. I'm much closer to my Mum and I think that this has affected it.
Because I didn't see my Dad that often when i was little as he worked away and I was quite a naughty child, it felt like every time I saw him he would smack me. Sometimes even know I flinch when he raises his voice even just a little!

So sorry to hear that it stil affects you Like that co_co.
That is one of the reasons I never want to harm my children.
I want them tp have nothing but love and respect for me, not fear.

Im all for smacking as long as its not done in anger

I don't smack my daughter as a punishment, however, I have on occassion used it as a threat, but ONLY when she has hit or hurt me. In cases such as these I will say to her, would you like me to smack you? Of course the answer is always no and it makes her think about what smacking does to others - it hurts.

If she has a tantrum - which is incredibly rare and starts to fight her way out of it by smacking,I would, if the circumstances were dire enough, smack her back. The children in the playground will smack her if she smacks them and although I'm her mother I'm a human being who has a right to defend herself although I've never had to do it yet and I would of course take into consideration my strength and size compared to hers.

I believe in treating my daughter as I would anyone else and if someone hit me intentionally I wouldn't stand there and let them continue.

Also I don't want her to think that she cannot defend herself if someone attacks her and teaching them that ALL violence is wrong can lead to children not sticking up for themselves.

I tell my daughter that she is only allowed to be violent to others if they are doing it to her and there is no other way of protecting herself, i.e there is no responsible adult around to protect her.

She is only 3 and has not had the need for it yet, but I'm well aware that she is going to school in September and as she grows up there may well be situations in which she needs to stand up for herself.

Life is about survival of the fittest and those who know how to stand up for themselves do better than those who don't.

I tottally understand what you are doing with your daughter, it is good to let them stand up for themselves. As long as they are able to understand how to use their abilities.
I still would not like to teach my child that violence solves anything. And I do not think that would make him weak, or have any less sucsess in life, just because he didn't hit back when he was little. I am not the sort of person that would go and say, tell the teacher, but my first answer to being hit would not be to hit back. They need to understand that there is more to life than survival of the fitest. In society today, violence and agression get us nowhere in life. Other than a night in the cells!

I have learned from seeing my nephews hit back that they usually get into trouble as they are the ones who retaliated! Not fair I know, but I am not his teacher.
We cannot bring our children up telling them it is ok to smack or be smacked, and then at 15 and 16 years of age, after puberty, tell them they can't do it anymore because they can really harm someone.
In the paper only last week there was an article where several children aged between 3 and 5 almost kicked a staffordshire bull terrior puppy to death, it survived, but will probably have to get it's leg taken off because it took that much of a beating.

I do not want my children using violence for anything weathere it be, defence, offence or self gain.

I hope that they will be intelligent enough to get through life using better ways to deal with those sort of situations.
If when they are older they choose to deal with things differently, then that is up to them. They are individuals, but at the moment, I am not going to be encouraging it in anyway.

Oh no, thats not what I meant Hysteria. What I want her to know is that, should she be faced with a situation where someone is trying to hurt her badly and there is no adult around she can go to for help then she has my full permission to kick, bite, scream, punch and whatever else she thinks might help her.

She knows full well that should a child hit her at school she should go to the teacher and not hit back, but if theres no teacher around and someone is repeatedly hitting her then she needs to know that it's okay for her to defend herself.

Too many kids get attacked and murdered these days to be teaching your kids that fighting back is totally wrong, there are some circumstances in which it's okay to fight.

Admitedly with most everyday school scuffles the most intelligent and wise thing to do is to walk away and I teach my child that, but there comes a time when people won't let you walk away and then you have no choice but to fight back.

I just don't want her to hesitate about defending herself because she's afraid she'll get into trouble.

Besides, life just isn't as simple as "violence bad, peace good". Sometimes fighting is a necessary evil.

And whats wrong with going to the teacher? If another child hits mine I want to make sure the teacher knows about it, how can the teacher prevent it from happening again if they don't know about it? How can your child integrate properly with the class when he/she is petrified of a bully. No child deserves to live in dread of going to or being at school amd the psychological effect on a child can have a catastrophic effect on the rest of their lives so yes I believe she should tell the teacher.

Yes they should tell the teacher, but after standing up for themselves a little. Just not run away wath the 'I'm telling on you@ that some kids do.

Teachers sometimes do more harm than good, as they don't get any appropriate training on how to manage negative behaviour from children. There is no continuity, and they deal with it the way that they see fit.
That is probably why children at school never know wheather they are coing or going.

I have no problem with teachers, my mother is one, but when it comes to disiplin in schools, the kids might as well do it themselves.