my ten year old daughter has taken an instant dislike to my new partner - he has done nothing to upset her apart from being found in my bed with me in November by her! She is doing everything she can to make life difficult for us and im at my wits end - hes a wonderful guy and very patient but says he doesnt want to have to 'buy' her affections by dancing to her tune - i feel stuck in the middle in many ways as she says as long as he comes to the house she doesnt want to be there! She sees loads of her dad and he is supportive of my new relationship as he has one of his own and my daughter appears to accepted his new partner. the only thing i can think of is that my new partner is mixed race and my daughter is really only used to white people in our family, she is highly intelligent and becoming a real challenge to me as a parent - does any one have any suggestions or room for another child in their family!!!!

To be honest it was probably the way she found you with him...I'm almost twenty yet to find my mother in bed with a man would be quite off putting to me, and influence my first opinion of him.

Like the previous poster said, she probably feels as if you are being taken away from her, so I think you should set aside some time to do things with her on her own, to reassure her that shes still the most important thing to you.

You also said that she still sees her father a lot, and he is supportive. She may feel that being nice to your new man is being a traitor towards her father, so ask him to have a word with her to reassure her.

Did she like him before she found you in bed together? She is probably feeling threatened by him and scared of losing you. On these tv progs, they always get the step-parent/step-child to do some bonding activity together - maybe that would be an idea?

For goodness sake W, grow up. If you can't post anything constructive find another thread.

I think Carol is right, your daughter may feel threatened. If she knows why she doesn't like him, then ask her if it's something that can be worked on. If she doesn't know, then she's probably feeling very emotional, perhaps she is remembering what it was like when daddy left (if she was old enough?), in which case she maybe needs a bit of tlc and understanding, but not pandering. My niece is 4 years old and whilst she is a very sweet and well behaved kid, she knows how to manipulate. What she really loves though, is her 'girly nights', that's when daddy and big brother are out and the girls get to do girly things like nails and make up. Maybe agree with her to have one night that is just for the 2 of you, but she has to understand that you have your time aswell and you would like your partner to become part of your family unit.

thanks for all your suggestions, some much more empathetic and supportive than others i have to say! When she found us were were just talking not up to anything shocking! We have decided to take a much firmer stance with her - and remind her who the grown ups are and that any decisions we make will be keeping her in mind (and grit our teeth when we say it!) i think her dad may be very subtly undermining my new relationship (he was opposed to the divorce but now has a new lady in his life) tho we have all been v clear that my new man is never intended to replace her daddy! We do lots of girlie stuff together, she is very bright and sometimes i think im talking to a 14 year old not a 10 year old! At the end of the day were sticking together and dont want her to think she has the power to dictate to me as her parent what will happen in our house! There i feel much better now - now all i have to do is to say that to her!!!! (lol)
thanks for listening