Christmas, yet again, is fast approaching. It's not something I go out of my way to celebrate. I'm not a Christian and I don't like the commercialism of the whole affair. However, when you live in the UK and are not bound to a non-Christian religion, you still have to deal with it when you have kids.
I've always done it very low key, of course I realise their mates at school will have families that will have a tree, far too much food in the house, probably some quite expensive (and potentially unsuitable) gifts, so I have to go along with SOME OF IT. It'd be unfair otherwise.
Anyhow, I'm getting quite far away from my original point. As parents, we expect our children to be honest with us and teach them not to tell lies or naughty fibs. How come then, some parents tell their children about Father Christmas and Tooth Fairies and Easter Bunnies?
What's the logic behind that? You spend from the minute they can speak telling them to be honest yet spend about 8 years lying to them and using fictional characters as bribery. What exactly is this telling a child?
You may tell the truth but I'm allowed to lie to you for 8 years or until one of your school friends lets the cat out of the bag. That must make for some crushing disappointment.
I didn't have Father Christmas when I was small due to having an illness and being surrounded by doctors in masks in hospital, apparently when I saw a Father Christmas in a shop I was terrified, maybe his beard reminded me of trauma in hospital. I survived very well without 'him' in my life. My little brother, however, did have the glory of the Santa-Claus-LIE and I wasn't allowed to tell him otherwise. He was quite distraught when he finally found it to be fabrication.
I never bothered to tell my kids either way because I'm not that fussed about Christmas anyway. I asked them, just before they started school, what their thoughts were - they just thought (correctly) that it was a series of men in funny suits in shops who you gave money to for presents. I then told them that some children think that he is real and reasons behind that and not to spoil it for their friends in school. As far as I know, they didn't.
I'm still puzzled as to what possesses parents to do this 8 year lie, though, all the while telling their children that they mustn't. What makes it OK?
Officer crabtree is right.... let children be children and enjoy fairy stories and 'magic' before they grow up and have to worry about housework and bills and house prices. Orangeboom I suggest you lighten up.
We all know that Santa is not true! Christmas was always a magical and wonderful time in my house when I was growing up...yes Santa did play a part but it was more than that. It was a chance for my family to get together, for eating and sharing presents. For me, as a child it was so exciting. I discovered that Santa was not true at school (about 8)and remember thinking "silly me....how could I have believed that a big jolly man would come down the chimney and leave presents....especially when we lived in several homes that never even had chimneys!"
However, I was glad that I had believed....it was so fantastic and what is a little make believe? It does not harm children and I don't think it is lying as such.....it's going along with a lovely game. Now, my daughter is 8 and she asked me recently to tell her the truth about Santa. I told her the truth as I knew that she had already heard it several times in the playground etc....she now knows but says that she is glad that she believed for all those years.
It's not a case of lying, and anyway sometimes kids don't really need to know the truth all the time. My gran is dying in hospital at the moment and I have not told my daughter this. Maybe I should, I don't know......all I can say is that I am trying to protect her from getting upset. Am I lying to her? Maybe, but kids should be kids. There is enough to cope with when they grow up.
That makes a lot of sense, karen999. I suppose I see it very differently from never having had it. I just never considered it in that way and didn't have it to pass on as it were. I wasn't trying to be particularly controversial in my post, I honestly couldn't see (and still don't) why it's an important thing.
It was important for me, and I suspect for many others too for families to get together. Especially for some families who perhaps don't see each other often throughout the year. It's a celebration and I make it special for my girls because it was special for me. I think that if it was not like this for you Orangeboom then I can see why you may wonder about it all!!
And believe me it is hard work making it special!! All the preparation, cooking etc and not to mention that the in-laws stay for two weeks!!! But I would not have it any other way.
Which reminds me.....can anyone tell me if anywhere on the planet has Nintendo Wii's....I am going out of my mind trying to get one!!
Father Christmas visits every one in our house, no matter how old you are!! He only fills a stocking on the end of our bed, the wrapped presents under the tree are all from named individuals.
To me it is part of the magic of Christmas.
I'm not religious, we have a tree and it's actually quite pagan, no stars and angels or christian imagery, to me we are simply celebrating the age old "midwinter" festival that pretty much every culture and religion has. My children are learning about all the different aspects of christmas, the christian one, the hundu one, the pagan one, and the FUN one!!
(I don't remember being crushed by finding out Father Christmas was my mum and dad, but it took me years to figure out how they stuffed my stocking without waking me.........)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Nestle boycotting,nappy washing, co-sleeping, baby wearing, home birthing, tandem nursing Momma
Routines are for dancers, shedules are for trains
Attachment Parenting; the radical notion that babies and children are people too!!
Sorry Orangeboom I didn't mean to sound so rude in my post, but I do think it is possible to worry too much... I think children will understand that there is a difference between malicious lies and fun make-believe as they get older. My husband was raised as a muslim and this is my baby's first Eid/Christmas. I want to introduce my son to both celebrations and to have fun and respect both traditions even though neither me or my husband practise our religions. I agree with CM and Karen... it is a time for family and friends and all cultures seem to have a major celebration in the winter and steal different aspects of each others! I am hoping over the years that we will create our own family traditions. I do dislike all the commercialism and obsession with big presents though!
I totally agree with Karen and CM. It's part of being a child and the wonder of childhood. Childhood is frought now with so many stresses and strains than it used to be in my day, children grow up too quickly now and have a lot more to deal with than when we were young. Santa, tooth fairy etc are just part of being a child, and living in a fantasy or make believe land. It never did me any harm knowing that Santa is not really, just thought well nevermind silly old me. I am not psychologically damaged, or dishonest as a result of knowing that these characters are not real.
Karen, my husband is really into gadgets and got a Nintendo Wii last christmas from Amazon in germany. i can find out more and let you know. I cannot stand commercialism, that is what makes Christmas wrong, the pressure to buy the latest must have toy, Christmas decorations in shops in late August, i cannot stand it. I would like to teach my baby the true meaning behind Christmas, the religious one, importance of family, the pagan stories behind santa, christmas trees etc.
I think it is great that we can Enforce such a wonderful thing to children. As a child there are many many things that we do not see, yet it is very important that we still strive for those things. A £1000000, a Camel, a pair of monolo's! I have never seen any of these things, yet I wouls like to one day, I think I know they are real, because people tell me. But how do I really know??? I don't. I think Santa, Farther christmas... etc, is a good, and fun way for children to strive towards something that they may not know is real.... One day they will realise it, but that is part of the fun, they will then strive for something else. There will always be a sense of wonder in a person's life, no matter what level it is on. This is just one of those levels, accompanied by all the other magical things.
I am not sure if I am making any sense to anyone, maybe someone will understand me.
my eldest is 9 and a half and she still believes, i think it's great. to me, saying father christmas doesn't exsist is the same as crushing a little girl's spirit by saying fairies don't exsist etc. not only is it a magical thing for them to believe in, it is also a good way to get their creative minds working.
i also agree with Karen, it's alot more than just buying gifts and saying they are from santa!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
We all indulge in a little fantasizing sometimes, and we all tell little 'white' lies to avoid hurting each others feelings or causing offense - can you imagine being compelled to tell EVERYONE the truth ALL the time, (I'm sure there was a film about this??!)
Anyway, kids have plenty of time to grow up and face the real world ... let them dream impossible dreams for now!!
I must say I was deverstated has a child when I found out that santa wasn't real, yet I wont bribe my children to be good because of christmas either children are children and if you don't include it into there lifes they will feel left out
Hmm, this is a difficult one. Personally I also feel the conflict of asking your children to believe in something that isn't true and then telling them it's wrong to lie.
I've eased my concience slightly by explaining to my daughter that Santa only exists in the hearts of those who believe in him. This way it's about making a choice, to believe, or not to believe. I never tell her that Santa exists for definate, just that some people believe it and some don't.
I think it's more important that she understands that Christmas is about expressing the love we feel for the people in our lives, however you want to express that is up to the individual.
I will be honest here people. Now I am a mother of two I do worry that my children are going to grow up not really knowing the true meaning of christmas, I had granparents who were religious (not in your face though) and grandparents who were not. So it was a nice balance. Problem is I feel it is going to be a struggle to get everyone in my every expanding family to help me along with promoting every aspect of christmas. I don't want them to loose the fun of things, as for me christmas is more about getting everyone all together and feeling the love. (my family is spread all over the place)
Is There a good way on how to incoporate this (religious side) into christmas without confusion. I did think about a simple nativity scene, was even thinking of popping to my local *hoppycraft* (lol) to see what I could get hold of, and having my son make the characters.
I just don't want him getting confused and thinking something like Santa is Jesus' Dad!! You know what children are like.
Hysteria - I know what you mean about kids getting confused re Christmas, Santa and Jesus. When my daughter was five I explained to her about Jesus, Christmas and Easter etc....she then said "so let me get this right....Jesus was born at Christmas?" and I said "yes"...she then said "and then he died at Easter time?"....I said "yes" and was thinking how good and clever it was of her to understand....she then said...."gosh, he didn't live for very long did he mummy?"!!
That is funny Karen999 That is just the sort of thing I expect my son to come out withwhen he is old enough to learn about christmas. I'm not really in a postion this year to need to explain anything, but next year there will be a time and a place i'm sure.
Also, glitteremma you are right. Christmas (the santa part of it) is all about something fun for the children. And a little insentive for being good does no harm. It isn't a bribe. We all like something to look forward to in life.
i want to put my tree up tonight but i have some one viewing my flat tomorrow! yeay im not really moaning ha ha i want to sell it
i can do it tomorrow i guess. my 3 month old son has a advent calendar.... i eat the chocs i think he likes looking at the pictures on it cant wait to get the tree up then he may stop looking at the tv!
How do you feel about the tv glitteremma? I have reicently introduced my son to one of the childrens channels and showed him a program called 'in the night garden' I thought it was rediculous, the characters all spoke rubbish, and there are lots of funny little cars/trains (not sure what the vehical is supposed to be). Anyway, despit this, he loved it. He was laughing and talking away at the tv, but now, if I do put the tv on he crys for this chanel, or a similar one. He ever cried when I put his disney CD on!
i can just imagine you sitting down to hours of macka packa... luckyly jake just watches what i watch as he is only 3 months old he even enjoys the news lol i think its ok for them to watch tv as they r getting so big now they are unavoidable... but i do turn ours off some times just to stop him relying on it too much as i only put it on for background noise.... when i put cds on he looks at the tv as if to say........ where are the lights? he has an annoying habbit of staring at light bulbs too! so i keep the living room on off at night and dimly light the room lol
yes, macka packa and that train is calles the ninky nong. just looked on the v+ box. I do think a little tv is ok. I like it as sometimes he will come and sit on my lap and watch a program with me. He is not a very tactile boy, so when he sit's with me I love it. He has been poorly reicently, and I have loved our cuddles.
yeah mines had a cold and a sore throat...ewwww babys and snotty noses .......he kept rubbing his nose on me then i realised i was soaked! little monkey i get loadsa cuddles at the moment they grow so fast! i want a pause button as he is at a lovely age where he just laughs at everything!
