Hi Am new to this forum thing but wondered if anyone had any advice. My son was 4 in August and has just started school this month - or rather will be starting once the "settling in" finally ends tomorrow!!! He has always had a fascination with all things round, washing machines, fans, cement mixers etc. He had a toy washing machine when he was younger which became the only toy he would play with, he also used to sit infront of the washer for the entire cycle - until I started to do the washing in the evening. He had grown out of his fixation with washers and a few months ago I bought him another one to replace the old one that had broken. This has restarted the whole problem again but this time on a different level as now he is potty trained - which is the problem. Very cleverly he has deduced that by wetting his pants they have to go in the washer! Problem solved at home as all sweets are banned and he only receives one sweet for each time he is dry. But at school he seems to be wetting his pants on purpose then coming out with a bag of wet clothes like a trophy. If anyone is still conscious after reading this how would you handle this?
Hmm, difficult. I wouldn't make a big issue of it myself. Have you tried just taking the bag with no comment, and when you get home just putting it in a bucket of water and washing it when he's in bed? That way he doesn't get his 'fix' of washing machine.
___________________________________________________________________________ Formally known as Jamiesnightmare, which was just too much of a mouthful!
Have been trying to go with the theory of answering any "washing" related questions as simply and short as possible. Seem to think ignoring it is only adding fuel to his fire!! Have seen that if I ignore or get angry about it he gets his reaction and so carries on?!?
Are you sure that it isn't just that he isn't getting to the loo quickly enough at school? I know that if my son was engrossed in something he would hang on as long as possible and leave it too late sometimes!
___________________________________________________________________________ Formally known as Jamiesnightmare, which was just too much of a mouthful!
At home he is mainly dry following the sweetie deal. I know he does ask to go at school as 2 days out of 4 he has been dry. Am hoping distraction and new things to do at school will help to combat this problem.
Help - things are going from bad to worse. My sons full time schooling started 25th September and I obliviously thought things were going okay. Got called in to see the headmistress today to be told otherwise. My son has unacceptable behaviour, won't listen, answers back, won't co-operate in group situations, throws things in class, smacks children and is not learning anything. However, at home he is completely different and does his homework, letters and reading, is very polite and mostly co-operative - for a 4 yr old. The washer fixation is also causing a problem with him turning everything round into a washer and even gathering all the other childrens clothes on the table when changing for PE and putting them in a big pile of "washing". I am very concerned he may be asked to leave school. I have to get help from the school nurse and medical people as they are concerned about his obsessive behaviour. I am so, so worried that by the end of the year - maybe even before - he will be asked to leave. He turned 4 in August so is the youngest in class, has the emotional age of about a 3 year old, but can show learning ability of someone older than his age. I want to help him, but don't want him to be rejected from mainstream school and put somewhere he doesn't belong. After all, this is his future we are talking about. Any suggestions, comments, similiar situations will be greatfully read.
Hi Gingerlady, when my son started Reception (I presume your son is in reception?) there were still a few children who wet their pants etc, not a big issue, the teachers were great, I knew some of the parents whose sons/daughters were doing this, they were obviously embarrassed and said at home they were dry, but its different for them, its still early days they havent been back to school that long, did he go to nursery before this? My 5 year old did and he use to wee his pants there and he soon stopped, I dont see a problem with this just yet, he will get use to weeing at school, my school wouldnt go at first and would hold it in ALL DAY. In my son's reception class last year there was a child who use to do all the things you say your child does, they simply give them "time out" from the rest of the class, this child in particular in my sons class sounds much much worse than your son and the teachers were patient with him and obviously spoke to his parents but trust me they will not ask your child to leave the school, they will do all they can to help your child, in fact this child now is still a bit naughty but what a turnaround he has made, do not worry too much, Im sure the school and obviously yourself will encourage your child to play nice and concentrate in class, its early days, its new to them at the age of 4, please dont worry about this
Thank you TeenaH. Am trying not to worry too much and be more practical about the situation. It would seem the school have split the problems into 2 - the behaviour/attitude and the washing fixation. Am starting to have graeat believe that the washing is his way of making himself feel okay at school, it's like his safety blanket. At home he has his dummy and teddy if he feels vulnerable. Only this morning he had to wait until he was the last to go in as he said there were too many children. He did go to nursery before this but it was small and he left there in january and went to a childminder for a few mornings a week - there were even fewer children there. Can't help but think that the teachers already have a downer on him as a "problem child" as he isn't conforming to the schools code of conduct. Problem is my child is very much an individual and while he takes instruction from me - most of the time! - he obviously hasn't realised that these grown ups can tell him what to do as well. Have got the school nurse coming next week as she has never heard of the washer problem - am beginning to think he may have a form of autism. He is very bright for just 4, and his previous carers have thought the same, however I think his emotional development is that of a 3 year old. How on earth do I bring the two together to a middle age? Kids - it's never boring is it?
I shouldnt let it worry you, some teachers are just "uncapable" of looking after 4 year olds, they havent got a clue. He's only 4 he doesnt really understand what full-time school is all about yet, Morgan was upset and crying for nearly 3 weeks when I left him, he said it wasnt like nursery and the day was too long, but the one teacher said he will settle in and they done everything to help and hey presto after 3 weeks he ran to school loving it, Im sure in time he will settle and learn what school is all about, they should be more patient with him, the teachers in Morgan's reception class were lovely, dont worry to much yet, see what this nurse has to say or even take him to your own doctor and explain your worries that he has this fixation, the doctor will monitor this and if they think there is a problem they will refer you to the hospital for tests, that is what I would do personally, keep posting the site on how he gets on next week
Hi TeenaH just a quick update posting for you. School nurse has been today and we both have come to the same conclusion that he has Aspergers syndrome - a high functioning form of autism. This means he has an okay, or above average IQ but has a lacking in social activities. It also seriously explains the washing machine. To sum it up a quote from an Aspergers child reads-
"I see a different world to you.....when I am in control, my world is safe and I can know what will happen next. But when I step into your world, I can become confused and afraid. I try to reach out to others in the way I know best, but it just doesn't seem to work, no matter how hard I try. Why do they react this way to me, what is it I am doing wrong? I think I will go play alone with my toys, where I can put them the way I like them and again I can feel safe"
Hi Gingerlady, thanks for letting me know at last you some answers, but is this a guess from the nurse and yourself? Does this have to be diagnosed by anyone more senior? I have heard about this but do not know much about it, I suppose it does explain a lot of things to you, I hope you look up on the internet for information about Aspergers Syndrome and I wish you all the best in the future, Im sure everything will be fine in the future
Hi TeenaH It was through the internet I stumbled upon Aspergers - but believe me he is showing classic signs. The school nurse also recognised what was being told to her as Aspergers. My son's case has been referred to the paediatrician at the local hospital - she doesn't even need to see him. His case has been fast tracked to the Child Development Board and the school nurse has to present his case to the board after the half term. The school is also now aware so that might make a difference there and hopefully with the backing of the board he can have a special needs teacher in class to "train" him how to behave. At the moment I'm seeing the positive and just hope that in time all will come right at school and he will receive the education he is entitled to. Problems to overcome could be others attitudes once known - whether it be that of childrens or parents but with the support of the nurse and the school that will have to be something we overcome. Take care
Hello gingerlady, just been reading this post & your son sounds v similar to how mine was at 4, & yes he was diagnosed with Aspergers at 5.
He's now 17 & at 6th form studying IT, is learning to drive & has an interview for his 1st weekend job tomorrow! He's still v "different" but funny, quirky & popular.
Hope that gives you a little encouragement.
..•:*¨¨*:•.♥..•:*¨¨*:•.would you like to discipline me?..•:*¨¨*:•.♥.•:*¨¨*:•..
Hi pearldaisy Thanks. That really does give me encouragement and well done to you and your son. I am still in the waiting stage at the moment which is very frustrating as I am sure you will remember. Very slow with the child development board and also the school. The school nurse requested a progress book be set up so events in and out of school can be monitored. Was supposed to start two weeks ago, but still waiting. I liken my son to being a 4 year old with a 6 year olds intelligence and a 3 year olds emotional ability. It is interesting seeing other peoples reactions when they are tole, once explained they seem to cock their heads to one side and go ahhhh with a frown!!! Not quite sure what they are thinking but to my mind it just makes our children more special to us than they already were! Who wants to be "normal" in this world anyway?!?!?!? Thanks again
Originally posted by gingerlady: Hi TeenaH It was through the internet I stumbled upon Aspergers - but believe me he is showing classic signs. The school nurse also recognised what was being told to her as Aspergers. My son's case has been referred to the paediatrician at the local hospital - she doesn't even need to see him. His case has been fast tracked to the Child Development Board and the school nurse has to present his case to the board after the half term. The school is also now aware so that might make a difference there and hopefully with the backing of the board he can have a special needs teacher in class to "train" him how to behave. At the moment I'm seeing the positive and just hope that in time all will come right at school and he will receive the education he is entitled to. Problems to overcome could be others attitudes once known - whether it be that of childrens or parents but with the support of the nurse and the school that will have to be something we overcome. Take care
Hi there I read your first post and thought has he been checked for ASD, my son is 3 soon and he has a diagnosis of ASD though they didnt grade him, from reading your post, there my heart goes out to you with all the assessments that will come from having your son checked. Start making a list of all the odd things he does and speech and fine motor skill problems you have noted.For you I hope he has not got Aspergers, or any other form of ASD, usually they are reluctant to give a firm diagnosis.
I went to my docs in May said I think my son is autistic, she didn t take me seriously until he had a fit trying to leave. He then had a hearing test and an appointment at the paediatricians, who assessed him along with another paediatrician, then we were refered to a clinical psychologyst and a speech and language therapists who assessed him, he showed classic signs of the ASD. When we had the review meeting in October my son received his diagnosis, I am very lucky that things moved fast and that everyone is aware of his condition, although the nursery he goes to are arguing with me about his condition, i live with him and the specialists most certainly dont hand out a diagnosis of such sort willy nilly, I have also been to see the ASD Nursery which I find is a better place for my son. Sadly this is a long walk for you know your son has it. Remember everything you do now is for your sons future and happiness. It wont always be easy, but listen to the Doctors, and specialists, I have found that the nursery people and the Health Visitor and her helpers, arent as clued up as they are meant to be. Experts know what they are looking for. Also you will need all of this for educational statements, it could be your son doesnt have a vast attention span apart from the things he enjoys. You really really must go prepared with all the information you can give the specialists. Such as does he focus, does he listen, does he hear you, is he reactive to dirt and loud noises etc. Sorry to go into overdrive here. Only I just went through the whole process.
Originally posted by gingerlady: Hi pearldaisy Thanks. That really does give me encouragement and well done to you and your son. I am still in the waiting stage at the moment which is very frustrating as I am sure you will remember. Very slow with the child development board and also the school. The school nurse requested a progress book be set up so events in and out of school can be monitored. Was supposed to start two weeks ago, but still waiting. I liken my son to being a 4 year old with a 6 year olds intelligence and a 3 year olds emotional ability. It is interesting seeing other peoples reactions when they are tole, once explained they seem to cock their heads to one side and go ahhhh with a frown!!! Not quite sure what they are thinking but to my mind it just makes our children more special to us than they already were! Who wants to be "normal" in this world anyway?!?!?!? Thanks again
I get a lot of funny looks and stupid comments, but i say about my son, intelligent like a 6 yr old but acts like a 18 month old and is 3 next week. I have been advised to give those ignorant people a card saying autism is sneaky he may look normal but he is in a better place than you ignorant people. LOL
Originally posted by gingerlady: Hi TeenaH It was through the internet I stumbled upon Aspergers - but believe me he is showing classic signs. The school nurse also recognised what was being told to her as Aspergers. My son's case has been referred to the paediatrician at the local hospital - she doesn't even need to see him. His case has been fast tracked to the Child Development Board and the school nurse has to present his case to the board after the half term. The school is also now aware so that might make a difference there and hopefully with the backing of the board he can have a special needs teacher in class to "train" him how to behave. At the moment I'm seeing the positive and just hope that in time all will come right at school and he will receive the education he is entitled to. Problems to overcome could be others attitudes once known - whether it be that of childrens or parents but with the support of the nurse and the school that will have to be something we overcome. Take care
you are very lucky then, because it gets assessed by points, the more points the more one to one hours they can get.
Hi Rodmann Thanks for your postings. Is it a good thing that he had already advanced to the Child Development Board? i haven't a clue and trying to get information from school or the school nurse is a hopeless task. I have been told that my son is still the same in class, but the teachers can't treat him differently to the others until he is diagnosed. Thing is I don't want him treated "differently", only to be given more understanding about why he acts like he does. The teachers tell me they have taught childern with AS before so why won't they respect this could be what my son has and deal with it. My fear is that we could be well into year 1 before a diagnosis by which time he could well hate going to school at all. The other day he cried all the way to school saying he didn't like it as the work was too hard and could I stay and hel him. It broke my heart! To my mind the following quote sums up As childen in a nutshell:- "I see a different world to you.......when I am in control, my world is safe and I can know what will happen next. But when I step into your world, I can become confused and afraid. I try to reach out to others in the way I know best, but it just doesn't seem to work, no matter how hard I try. Why do they react this way to me, what is it I am doing wrong? I think I will go play alone with my toys, where I can put them the way I like them and again I can feel safe."
To be that says it all about our children. Is your child your only one? I do feel cheated somehow that I'll never have the same as other parents going to school and I do feel that my son is being treated as a nuisance as well. To top the lot off he is also the youngest, an August birth. So with his birthday, his gender and his possible condition !!!!!!!!!!!! Would you say not having to see the paediatrician is a good thing? Trying to contact the school nurse is hopeless, I'd have better luck contacting the dead! Look forward to hearing from you. Regards Gingerlady
Yes my child is my only child and I do feel cheated sometimes but I do love him also. You will be going through the grieving process and it will hit you for a while yet. Especially when you get the diagnosis, hunny, your son does need to have special attention and does need to be treated differently, he is special and has a different take on the world, some things come easy to him, and others will be a battle for him, don't see it as a bad thing if he gets different treatment. Remember all the help that comes now, is because he needs and deserves it. You have to keep focus on it being about his needs and not your own, and that is the hardest part, having autism is nothing to be ashamed of, some of the worlds most talented people are autistic, the more help your son gets the more he will be able to integrate and live a normal life to the best of his ability. Dont be scared of the help that will come, if he needs more you have to fight for it. It is a good thing he is getting an educational statement before he has his diagnosis. The sooner he gets the attention the better for him, please believe that, even if you are not ready to accept it. You son might be more severe than the kids they have taught, this is something you need to remember, there are so many levels, factors, so many different traits, and not all main stream teachers can or have time to deal with that, along with teaching the other students. Sounds like your son needs more attention and individual teaching, please dont deny him that.
See your GP, and make a point of your son being Autistic and get all the appointments you need, the specialists need to make a diagnosis. Dont stop him from having that right. Get this book called the crystal children it might make you feel a little better. Just please grieve for the loss of your normal child and appreciate what a special little boy you have, if people treat him like a nuisance tell them he did not ask to be autistic, he was given that gift. I am sure he would rather be him without predjeduce, than you with judgement. That will shut them up. Stand up for him. If you can, watch the movie rain man. I felt a lot better after seeing it if you understand the message in the movie. Please see your GP. and also get the book living with autism. Try and break some of your sons habits also, it might be you have to use pecs like I do for some things.
