i suspect my son of 2 1/2 has autisim although my partner refuses to believe it and says he has ADHD. anyone else have a small child with ADHD or autisim?

Hi, My son is four in July and he was diagnosed as Austistic Spectrum last november. It took 18 months to get to this point of conclusion and his diagnosis is an early one. He was originally suspected of being ADHD but after numerous tests that was ruled out. He had all his milestones until 18 months old and then he started to change, lost his vocabulary, wouldn't feed himself, went baby like and into a world of his own, no eye conact and just screaming and tantrums and no cuddles, awful sleep patterns, random mood swings, faddy eater, minimal attention span and he never smiled. We have really had to fight the system with health visitors, consultants, etc. He has attended mainstream nursery since sept last year and the change in him has been dramatic, he now has a big smile and cuddle for you, he sleeps for twelve hours without medication, he will play one ojn one games for a short time, and is so happy in himself, you can see excitement now. And he started at a special needs school two weeks ago on a full time basis and he loves it already, the classes are very structered to his needs and he is coming home every day looking happy and contented!, He is still in nappies and his speech is several short words but with time, I have great hopes for him. Any questions just ask!

reece is 2 1/2 ive always known he was different but his dad has ADHD and i just asumed he was a bit hyper - well a lot really.

at his 2 year assesment he was saying 15 words when it should have been 50+. now he says 5 phases at the most, oh no, who are you, what you doing, bye. he never calls me mummy or calls his dad. the only thing i know he wants is when he throws his bottle at me. he hardly ever holds eye contact he doesnt understand feelings like if your hurt. he likes rough and tumble play with his dad, he never answers to his name and to get his attention you have to practically jump up and down. he has no favourite toy only likes wheels on cars and bikes and anything with buttons. he seem to be a world of his own where he doesnt like you to join in. he doesnt have any understanding of simple intructions, he is off out the door any chance hes got. he knows no danger - we went to feed the ducks and he tried steping striaght into the water. he understands no but will go back and do it at a later time what he was doing. he is very shy and when spoken to by a stranger he will put his head down and make a growling noise. the list is endless i was thinking for the longest time i was just a bad mother and people were accusing me of spoiling him - to that i replied i wish i knew how to make him happy as i would be spoiling him with it.

hes only happy at home and mostly in his room which is upsetting for me. the health visitor came out to assess him and he hid behind me and seemed pleasant enough - but after 1/2 hour he was pacing like a caged animal with his head down. she hasnt said what he might have got but she did say its more than a behavioural problem and has refered him to a child psychiratist and a speech thrapist.

mainly i just feel depressed but i have an 6 year old son and an 10 week old daughter so i have to just get on with it.

Becky, I feel for you , you have your hands full! What you say about your son is, I am sorry to say very similar to my son, he too loved wheels and will play with prams turned on their sides and he licks wheels and tyres which we are trying to stop him from doing. However I am not a Health Professional and ypu need to push the correct officials into giving your son a diagnosis or assessment at least. If you need a chat or somebody to have a moan too, I am here for you! (((((big hug))))

ive had a right lecture of my blokes mother, sometimes he seems really happy for nothing particular - just happy when musics playing or he out at the park or watching tv running around. she thinks that because of this theres noway he could be autistic.

she thinks because hes no constanly sitting in the corner rocking he couldnt be autistic. she was saying im going to get him labeled and i said what if he actually needs the extra help shouldnt i be getting it while he young instead of him having to suffer for years???

i read that when parents get a diagnosis they can go into denial and i thought at first thats stupid... if your child has something wrong then you just get on with it. but since actually thinking about it i feel so depressed.... i was thinking that if it was confirmed i would feel relieved actually knowing whats wrong with him. but i just dont know... i want him to be fine and im scared about what the assesments going to turn up. so on one side i dont want to take him to the threapist - but on the other hand ive got to. does this make any sense..... its like at first i thought i could be so strong but i feel like im gonna just fall to pieces. i just hope it passes soon so i can get on with the future. the first appointment is on tuesday which is why im probably feeling so bad.

Becky, Listen to me. You are Reeces mum and naturally you want the best for him, and you need to find out what is wrong. Do not let your Mum in law treat you like you're stupid, cos you're not ok? A child being ASD does NOT mean they will be in a bubble unable to connect with other people!, They're are so many grades of Autism, some kids are completley shut off and many are fully aware of their surroundings. My son Ellis is one of the 'luckier' ones and he responds to music, tv, bright lights and he loves to be outdoors taking in and feeling all the textures around him. And yes it is the worst thing in the whole world when your child is diagnosed and you go through so many emotions , disbelief, anger, mourning, guilt, frustration and then you learn to accept that your families lives will all be different because of this, but it needs to be dealt with in a positive way, you can't change the situation and its hard to move on but you have to do it, you will do it and you do come out the other side and life will move on. My mum in law and my own mum also reacted like your mum in law saying that there was no problem and that Ellis was functioning normally, but as a mum you can tell if something isn't right and go with your instincts, be prepared for this to take time seeing as Reece is so young, but be strong and make your firm with the health proffessionals and emphasise that you want a diagnosis, When I initially went for consultation I was told that Ellis was probably 'Behaving oddly' because I was pregnant and he could sense it!, At that time he couldn't sense anything he was in a bad way, so push them if they try to palm you off with a load of bull! I was persistant, but it did get us a result, I will be rooting for you. If you need any info or anything let me know! Lots of love Lisa xx and give your lovely boy a big hug from me, ok?!

thankyou for that, his mother wants to come with me but ive had to say no, its tomorrow morning.

my partner actually admitted she doesnt want him to get help because he'll get labeled a 'spacker'. she an evil twisted 'you know what' and she makes me so angry.

my partner has ADHD and its like having another child at times and as a child he was hyper and very difficult he got diagnosed but she sought no help and he had to go to mainstream school with sereve learning problems. still now he has difficulty reading and writting - he got bullied until he was 15. so you would think she would understand why i want help for him while hes young instead of waiting till hes older and theres no denying theres a problem. i mean i can protect him at nursery but i cant help him once hes gone into mainstream infants - i just want to be doing the right thing. dont get me wrong putting him into mainstream school might be right but i just dont want him left in a corner because no one can deal with him

Hi Becky!, Good on you for telling the 'monster in law' she can't go with you! It's your baby not hers and she has no right to be there unless you ask. You are being responsible by trying to get a diagnosis, ignore the mother in law, if she thinks that by getting the halp and care your son may need will have him labelled a 'spacker' then she seriously needs to wake up! You are doing the best thing you can do for your child, don't let them deter you. It is best to find out now and you;ll be prepared for any help Reece may need at school whether it be an assistant at a mainstream school or a special unit. My son was going to go to a mainstream but I decided along with the education department and his educational therapist that he would have been 'lost' in a mainstream class of 30 children and we sought a place at the local special needs school in our area. It has so much to offer him, stimulation, speech therapy, structured classes. The staff are fantastic and even the dinner ladies are trained in Special Needs to deal with the fussy eaters and outbursts! I don't feel ashamed or embarrassed that my boy is at an SN school, I feel he is priviliged to be there as the classes are eight pupils, so he gets the attention he needs and deserves, they have as well as the teacher 3 classrookms assistants and volunteers. He may only need to be there for a few years, but who knows? We will just take things as they come. Please try not to worry about tomorrow, even if he is Austistic it is not the end of the world, it does get easier, I know exactly how you are feeling and I wish you the best. Let me know how things go. Love Lisa xx

It can’t be too long before the producers of Big Brother, find a new section of the community to turn into a laughing spectacle.

They only find the most stupid people in the country to laugh at.

Becky - you say your husband has ADHD, and yet the mother in law is being a complete cow. How did she deal with your hubby's ADHD

Becki. Glad to hear you stood up to your mother in law. It does sound like autism to me.
If it is that, then please dont get depressed about it. Autism is a largel spectrum and there is no reason why your son cannot have a happy and productive life. please also remember that what he finds happy and enjoyable might be things that make people like your mother in law angry.
I was diagnosed aspergers when I was 19. and my dad is autistic. he didnt even start speaking until aged 4, and he still got married had kids and worked until retirement as a postman.

The wheels. yes...I remember spinning wheels as a kid. I did not get any pleasure out of playing with dolls. I guess I didnt see the imaginary concept in them as other kids did, but despite having an unsmiling face, no friends and no play, I was stil very much a happy child, even if that wasnt apparent.


a few weeks ago I attended a conference in manchester called Aspect, which was the biggest meeting of autistic spectrum adults in the country. we met to create a paper to give to the goverment to make it heard that we need more services.
I met a variety of people there from all levels of the spectrum. One man was one of the first inthe country to be diagnosed with autism back in the 1940`s another was one of the first kids be diagnosed aspergers back in 1994. he is now training to be a nurse. There was also highly sucessful people there, highly intelligent and with good jobs. Not everybody on the spectrum is like that of course, but many of us suffer from society not accepting us, not really from autism itself. kind of like saltwater fish dropped in a freshwater tank.
Anyway, if he is diagnosed on the spectrum, You are doing great so far by accepting it and caring about him. Its sad how many parents get angry with their child acting differently and punish them for things that are normal or logical to autistic people.
if you need any adivce or quiries about any of his behaviour and why he might do them, id be happy to help.

linz, I just want to say I really loved your post and it is so good to hear the opinions of an adult with ASD.

Bec, When you're ready, let me know how the assessment went. I am here to listen anytime, ok?

we went to assesment but i didnt mention autisim or adhd, i told her about how he was and everytime i said stuff about how he was acting she kept writting it down, i explained that i wanted to find out whether he had any learning difficulties before school started so he doesnt have to suffer. she was nice and she did say he play was only what hed been shown - she got out a doll and some plates and cups. she showed him how to give the doll a drink - but thats all he did kept giving it a drink - he didnt try to play with the doll any other way. she said his speech was repeating stuff he'd heard. when he should be saying ball, car and so on. instead he says who are you alot - which she noted was at inappropriate times as he says it to me alot.

she also said because he was 2 1/2 she couldnt say either way if there was a problem but said he was really delayed and needed help. but he cant have it untill september. she noted his dad has adhd. he is seeing a baby doctor next month so i will be bring up autisim then.

i had to laugh though when she said i should be doing things lke holding his ball up and saying 'ball'. i said everyday i try untill im blue in the face, even with the same word. theres no amount of reward or praise that will get him saying these words. but he loves praise when hes does his shape sorter.

Becky, Good to hear from you, I was beginning to get worried! Sounds to me like your consultamt was being cautious, when I initailly took Ellis I was also told due to his young age that they would have to prolong diagnosis. It may take some time, I waited 19 months from start to finish to get the final diagnosis. Ellis also has Global Developmental Delay which is fairly commom in ASD children, his development with simple things like using a fork or a spoon or playing catch with a ball is delayed and he cannot connect that you would do these things with such items. Last June we had a clinical peadetrician come to our home for a half day to see Ellis in his own enviroment and to see him relaxed in his own surroundings to get a clearer picture of his delays. At the time they placed his mental age at just nine months old and he was in fact 35 months old! He is now significantly improved and is at the two year old stage. It is confusing though cos at some things he is so baby like and at others he is really advanced! It is really challenging at the best of times! As for the constant repeating yourself I understand! You start to hate the sound of your own voice, but keep with it, it may click eventually. I would bet that the Doctor yesterday just wants to look at all options before confirming due to his young age, but I assume that ASD has definately been noted, with other possibilities before they can give you an answer, try to be patient. How are things with mother in law?

Keep going becky - you have to make a nuiscance of yourself, at the G.P's the nursery school when he gets there just keep banging on. You will get the answers in the end but it is a heck of a long road.

Hi Tug, What are your experiences with ASD? Hope you don't mind me asking?

alot of kids with autism find it easier to learn sign language or find picture cards help. Youll have to ask people how to do that as im not sure. One thing is certain though, Youll probably need to shoulder most of his learning and therapy yourself because services in this country are diabolical.

Linz, I think it depends where your located in the country, I have to say it has taken a long time to get a result and a school place for my son but they are fantastic at his school, I feel as though a huge black cloud has been lifted from my shoulders! You need to be so pushy and persistent but you can get there in the end. It has only bee a month that my son has been in his school, but the change in him is phenomenal, he is a pleasure to have around! And also pressure has lifted from me and my hubby, no stupid falling outs anymore! The cards you mention my son is using, 'PECS' and they seem to be really beneficial alongside the speech therapy he is recieving.

im going to try them flash cards

i work in a mainstream schooland recently attended a course on asd. it was noted that children on the asd spectrum often have a special interest , like becky's son spinning wheels. they recommended that rather than trying to get them to play with other toys you should use their interest as a basis for play. like using different sizes and colours etc different types of wheels, wheels in sand wheels in water, painting using wheels. they also mentioned making a story board using photographs of things familiar to the child and photos of the child. Overall they were really positive and spoke of all the really clever people like Bill Gates and wokers at NASA who have an asd, many people with asd can be high intelligent and really great with technology.
good luck becky and well done for picking up on this so early.

i knew he was different at 18 months but i though he would come along when he was ready. he plays with action figures but he just shakes them and laughs. he showed an interest in his sister today - shes 11 weeks. he was making the wheels on his toy motorbike spin and showing her. a real heart warming moment as usual he wont even acknoledge her.