I was just wondering if anyone else has been through this, and if you think it has had a small or great impact in the way you have grown-up. I lost my mum at 16, after a long illness, and i haven't had anyone else in my life who has filled the role of a mother-figure. I really believe this has changed the way i've grown-up, in terms of not having my mum there to get advice from. Sometimes there's nothing i'd like more than to be able to call her and ask for her help, and it makes me wonder sometimes, if i had her there to give advice, would my life have turned out any better/different.

I never "lost" my mother. But she's a rubbish one who never gave a toss - and I know other women in the same position.

My younger life would have been far better abnd happier if I'd have had positive parental input through my life. It's not just the basic loving stuff - but also the practical female stuff (how to dress, personal hygiene, make up etc). But unfortunately a lot of us don't get the choice. I personally think it matters less as we get older and start making our own way in life anyway.

You can only play the hand you are dealt. I appreciate it's very different losing a beloved parent, of course. But, in my case, I can only go with what I've been given.

One option to find another female who can assume a similar role. I have an aunt (with no kids of her own) and also a neighbour that I'm close to for example.

I'm sorry that you have been through such a rough time at a young age, I've been lucky to have both my parents. Admittedly we're not as close as other families but they're there at the end of the phone. My brother, sister and I depend and support each other alot more than we would on our parents and I find that very reassuring and comforting - do you have any brothers or sisters? Aunts or uncles? Family is a great security but you do have to work with it...

Don't close yourself off from the world - there are lots of good people out there to help you and advise you..

Take care

My husband's father died when he was 9. He was the youngest of 4 children and I think altho he was very young, it has affected him deeply. He always says that he felt cheated out of certain things which is probably why his relationship with our son is so intense. Also I think it has been very hard for him to adapt to becoming a father. He had nobody to "show him the ropes" if you like and guide him into manhood. However he is doing a pretty good job and all our kids adore him and I respect him because he is so willing to learn.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by vbland:
I never "lost" my mother. But she's a rubbish one who never gave a toss - and I know other women in the same position.

I lost my mum last year after a year of suffering a stroke.We didnt see eye to eye most times. You could say as an onlooker we disliked each other.Its sad to say but in all my life i was fighting for her love but my brothers got it all i was the only girl.WHEN MUM HAD THE STROKE I was the only one who said i would give up everything move and look after her at home but my brothers decided to place mum into a nursing home.She lasted 2 weeks in there and had another stroke.After that she came back and i promised to take her home but my brothers still argued but sadly she died.Iwas the only one with her at that time and the love i felt from mum in the last two nights had made up for all the bad years.So even if you dont get on its true you only have one mum so look after her and dont take things to heart.You might not get a second chance.I miss her so much and wish i could phone her every day.GOD BLESS MUMS

Well my father walked out when I was 2 and that left me with an issue of abandonment and my mum brought me up, but when I was 18 my mum met another man and settled down and didn't show me that attention anymore, I know I was 18 but everyone needs their mum!! Then she got married when I was 21 and had my sister when I was 22.......... And then the big one she moved abroad last September so them feelings of abandonment reared there ugly head again, now I just feel so alone not having either of my parents to turn to, to top it off my boyfriend has just just split up with me and my mum has sold the house and I am left with no where to live.....................

ANd I am seriously screwed in the head now, I trust no one and always think that whoever I get close to is going to leave me because it has always happened!!!!

Just try and talk it through with your mum i know this is very hard but at least try.maybe she expects you to go with them.Do you not get on with the new man in her life and what is happening to youre sister?My dad also walked out when i was born i also had stepdads (2).I learned to get on with them other wise my life would have been worse.If god forbid you were to lose your mum you would feel guilty and wish you would have tryed as that is the cross i have to bear.

hello,
my mother died when I was just 9, my brother was 7 and my sister was 3. She had leukeamia (cant spell it!). It was very very hard,and I was damaged by it growing up although I had a loving aunt and dear half sisters. Mothers have 6th sense about their children, I missed that care. I'm now 56 so it was a long time ago, I have my own family, but I often think she should still be alive. My father was much older, had a full time job. I never had a very good relationship with him. It was very unusual in the 1950s not to have 2 parents. Now I feel much sorrier for her dying too young and she what she didn't see.

I think that losing a mum at any age is hard i am still waiting for the phone to ring and sometimes i pick up the phone to phone her but then realise shes not there.People keep saying go to get help but what for they are not going to bring her back.I am very bitter in the way mum was treated and have never been like this in my life.How do you get rid of all these feelings?Ijust keep myself busy at the moment.

This is obvious, but time is the only thing that will help. It is natural to die. A mum (or dad) is always part of you. They would want you to be happy.

quote:

Originally posted by 2005:
Just try and talk it through with your mum i know this is very hard but at least try.maybe she expects you to go with them.Do you not get on with the new man in her life and what is happening to youre sister?My dad also walked out when i was born i also had stepdads (2).I learned to get on with them other wise my life would have been worse.If god forbid you were to lose your mum you would feel guilty and wish you would have tryed as that is the cross i have to bear.

I do get on with him yeah............. Im sorry for your lose, I have spoken to her since!!

hello i lost my mum when i was 4 she died with an heart attack but i dont think this afects the way we bring are kids up i have brought my kids up the best i can and there good kids i have two boys the ages at 3 and 5 years there good kids bad when there want to be but i just want to spend the most time with them because i lost my mum when i was 4 and i dont want my kids like i was so hope this answers your question just spend as much time with your kids and treasure the time you do spend with them take care xxxxx

Hi, I really respect everyone who's posted on here.
My friend lost her dad when she was 7, I think it has affected her. She hasn't got much confidence and she can't eat in front of people. She is also very quiet and shy, she told me she was never like this when she was little, so, in answer to your question I think her life would have turned out differently if that hadn't happened.

my dad died when i was 14, it was a horrible time bcoz i was really close to him, now all i think about is the things hes missed and will miss in my life, i.e goin to college, having kids, getting married, that really makes me sad.

My mother passed away in 1963 when I was 11 years old. At first it didn't bother me much, but when I reached my 30's, I realised that nobody can replace a mother and not a day goes by without me missing her.

When my Dad died in 1981 we were not on speaking terms and I know this will sound bad, but I don't regret the day he passed on. He was a total brute when it came to raising a family of three kids.

My brother (who was the eldest of our kids) died at the age of 26 in 1970.

We are not a close family. I haven't seen my sister for the past 10 years. She lives in Wrexham at the moment but comes back to South Africa at the end and beginning of year and we don't contact each other. Actually we have nothing to say to each other.

Blood might be thicker than water, but I will always put my true friends before my sister. To me it is just a biological fact that she is my sister.