I am a 26-year old female who has been with her boyfriend for nearly 3 years.We met through work and he is 10 years older than me. I love him in the way that he protects, cares and looks after me in almost a 'fatherly' way. He wants to settle down and have children, and I do want these things one day, but I am unsure as to whether they should be with him or not, and whether they should be now or in a few years' time when I feel like I am ready.

Recently though, despite all this, I have found myself getting very broody though and don't know whether I should be thinking about having children now or just going out and enjoying myself. I know that I've got years ahead of me to plan for a family but for some reason, I've been getting these overwhelming urges to have a child now, even though I've just moved into my new flat that I've bought and should be concentrating on having fun.

I have thought long and hard about all the implications involved and know that having a child involves a lot of hard work, financial and emotional commitment and responsibility. However, I'm a bit scared that if I wait ten years and find I am regretting not having it earlier, then I will be kicking myself.

I suppose because of these doubts, there must be an answer which says 'Wait until I'm older and more stable/secure' but I'm kind of thinking, "maybe I shouldn't be fighting these urges?' I know there's a hell of a difference between having a baby and wanting one, but I just feel that my life is getting to the stage where I'd like to settle down a bit more. I've been getting broody urges really strongly over the past few months and have been finding it increasingly hard to ignore them. However since I'm not in the world's best situation at the moment with my relationship I find myself trying to suppress them quite a bit.

Anyway what I was trying to say is that assessing all these things about my relationship and future and weighing up the pros and cons is very hard. I was adopted and realise that many people can't have children and it's a real blessing to have loving, caring parents who can give unconditional love and support for their child no matter what. I certainly feel very blessed.

It's something that is an important issue within any relationship but it's something that I feel is becoming more important to me in mine as time goes on. I know what you're going to say – talk about it with your boyfriend, find out what he thinks etc or find someone who is a more suitable partner / a 'life' partner before bringing new life into the world – and yes, you're right. Maybe I should ignore these urges. I know that you will tell me to 'stop being so stupid' and I agree. I do tend to get quite fixated on things and have hare-brained ideas, which I sometimes make a reality and sometimes don't.

Obviously I realise the financial, emotional and physical implications that it would entail, and yes, it would be very silly to bring a baby into this world when I wasn't ready for it... but I can think of a hell of a lot of others who would be a lot younger/more stupid/less financially stable than me who have had children and completely cocked their lives up in the process. I have a secure job, have been going out with my boyf for 3 years and own my flat, so I don't think I'm likely to end up in real dire straits (although you can never say never...)

Yes, realistically now is probably not the best time, and acting on 'urges' and impulses would be sheer stupidity. But I also think people should do what they want in their lives... after all, they will have to pick up the pieces if it goes wrong and deal with the consequences. Yes, it will seriously affect the child too, and obviously that is something I have thought a lot about. And yes, I know that children aren't dolls that you can give back whenever you want. It seems to me that there are many people who are ready to condemn or give reasons as to why it would be so bad.

I can understand why people want to try and put people off or tell them it's not the best time as parents etc only want the best for whoever it is – but sometimes it's very hard to accept all the advice given. I feel like I should be doing what I want to do in life.

The thing is, I'm beginning to feel like my life is only going to improve if I make a decision about him and our future and at the moment, I am just unsure.

Please help!

I can honestly say that in so many cases, including my own, there is no perfect time to have a baby. There's always a job opportunity round the corner, you could be more financially stable, you could be a bit older etc. - there's always something, but at the end of the day it has to feel right for you. The only thing I would caution is your relationship with your partner. I know there are a great many brilliant one parent families, but I know that, personnally, I would have found it so much harder without my partner and the security I had in our relationship. Having our baby was the greatest blessing, but also the greatest strain on our relationship and without yours being rock solid, you may be on shakey ground.
Best of luck