My husband and I have talked about starting a family (not just yet, we've only been married 5 months!) and I'm really torn on whether to work or not. On the one hand, I wouldn't want to hand my child over to someone else, but on the other, the thought of giving up work and being entirely dependant on someone else scares the hell out of me!!

Can any working/stay at home parents offer me any pros/cons of each that may help me make up my mind? As I say, it won't be for quite a while just yet but every time we discuss having a family I just can't gt my head around what I really want to do!!

Hi Mandles

When my first marriage broke up I went back to work, I only had one child at that time and he was just over three years old. I found a child minder not far from me because I don`t drive and had to bus to work but I soon had to stop work because my Son had rules from me at the weekend, which I`m afraid soon went down the pan but thats on another thread and during the week, he was allowed to do much more with the child minder and I personally did find I had missed out on alot but maybe if I`d driven, I would have had a wider choice in minders, don`t get me wrong, she was brilliant but we were so different in out views about bringing a child up, that it wasn`t doing my Son any good at all, apart from confuse him and make me feel less a part of his up bringing by the day. I was also young and I`m sure I would have picked a totally different child minder had I been older.

Bet this post has confused you even more

When we decided to start a family my hubby wanted us to be in a financial position for me to be able to choose. I chose to give up work. I have given all three of my kids the time and input that I needed to . however a good friend of mine had three kids and employed a nanny for them all. The nanny has now walked out and my friend has had to give up her job to care for her kids. Its been really hard for her to adjust but she said to me the other night she wishes she have done it sooner and that the kids love having her at home. I guess it all boils down to personal choice and if you feel able to balance a career and a job

I have daughterinlaws and 2 stay home and 2 work.I has to go to work for financial reasons and one chooses to,she found staying home being a Mum and housewife not enough.

mandles. I don't have kids myself. But
remember that a child only requires full time care for a few years - until they start school which could be as young as three if they get nursery. And (depending on who you work for) you could up to a whole year of maternity leave.

So I'm not sure it's necessary to see it in such stark terms as "giving up" work or a lifetime of dependence. The "dependency" bit is over-rated anyway. We become dependent at the point we choose to cohabit - having a lifestyle that we can't afford alone - not when we give up work.

And there are other work options of course - part time, your own business etc.

I've done both. I worked when I had my first daughter, then gave up after the birth of my second. As it happens she was born with disabilities so I wouldn't have been able to go back anyway. I worked again for 4 years but stopped again last year when I had my son.

I wouldn't want to work again with a small child to look after, there is so much you can miss out on and they aren't small for long.

So, given the choice, staying at home wins it for me, but if you have good support and someone you trust to look after your kids it's not bad to work either.

People are different, some women feel trapped at home all the time, others love it. You won't know which you are until you try it!

Thank you for all your different points of view!! You have all given me some things to think about and mull over.

I am currently 6 months pregnant, and am planning to have one year off with baby, then will have to return to work for financial reasons.. My partner and I are in rented accommodation and want to buy our own house, and then after we get the mortgage I may then be able to give up work for good, or he might. I have a lovely job, with good pay and brilliant prospects and would find it hard to get another role like this, so if he stays at home with the baba it will be a happy place for all of us..Although I will be extremely jealous as I owuld love to be at home with the baby..
In this day and age a stay at home mom is a rare person. According to the 2002 general conseus calculations only 5% of women stay at home with a husband out to work.. However stereotypes make us believe otherwise.

An awful lot of women have part time jobs that fit in with the kids. I did until I had my third, now I'm a full time Mum.

I do plan on going back to part time working once number 3 is at school. After a few years of not working I know from experience how nice it is to be able to do something outside the house.

right i am not a parent but maybe i could offer a child care workers point of veiw

as i work with children i can see both points of view

if you dont want to give up work full time i would say this

stay at home with your child for the 6 months payed leave you are allowed then just to make sure you are allowed an extra 6 months unpaid leave then this is givein gyou time to think

but working i nteh nursery means i see all sorts of parents and children and i have atcually seen children who are not eady for any sort of nursery environment as it depends entirly on the child's personality whether they are ready for the nursery

and i have atcually spoken to parents that say they would have loved to stay at home with there children because they missed all there baby things

first steps and firsst word and these are things that will never happen again yes you will be able to see them walking but not there first steps and they are special

i know i have babbled on now but ultimatly the decision is yours and nobody else' not even your husband althouh obviously it is his child as well