as a new user i have been reading all your postings, and it seems like a lot of you are experienced ADHD'ers. I have a 7yr old who on monday is going to be tested for ADHD. as strange as this seems i am really hoping they will tell me he is, as it might put an end to the many opinions i have stuffed down my throat by my family over recent years. My mother says i dont love him enuff, my husband says i'm not strict enuff, the school say he clearly needs to be medicated.....What tips or advise can anyone give to me as how to help him feel lilke he is not this problem child that everyone keeps telling me he is?

well we all have our strenghs here i usually know alot about learning difficulties but im not well up on ADHD i know other members here are i know alot more about dyslexia and autism well mainly dyslexia because im dyslexic myself.
As for what others think you know yourself how much you love your son so thats your mothers opinion don't let it effect you as for your husband he may be right maybe you should have a think about if you do really disipline him enough as for schools there no experts it took them 7 years of education to recognise i was dyslexic so they don't know everything.....
i was 10 before they realaized i was dyslexic as for your sons school saying he needs to be medicated unless it's comming from the school's qualifyed nurse or the teachers are GP's don't really pay much attention if your son is confirmed to have ADHD im sure your doctor will subscribe the right medication and supply the correct advise.

As for your son i think if he isn't very respectful at the moment then he needs to be disiplined if he is very respect and caring and is usually good then just keep doing what your doing. id reasure him that he isn't a problem but he simply has a condition and that you still love him.
hope that helped anyway

Hi Kilian, I replied to your other post too but my Niece is now 16 years old and has severe dyspraxia, so I do understand the pressure having a child with special needs brings, I won`t comment on your Hubby here because I have already done that but with regards how you are feeling, its perfectly normal to want to put a name to it, so you know there is something "wrong" and you can start getting the proper help for your child because he is what counts and he must be feeling so confused, ignore everyone elses views, especially Grandparents because they have the old fashioned view on bringing up a child and concentrate on him because hes all that matters

Nothing to do with you Kilian but I do know a couple of families who have had a child diagnosed with ADHD and I have to say I do think its an excuse for a bad upbringing and lack of discipling but thats only because I know the families and in alot of cases its an excuse

Hi! I have two children, one has been diagnosed with ADHD, and conduct and attachment disorders,16, and one who maybe has ADHD and other stuff I'm waiting for her statement to find out about,9. I agree with Southern Girl that in a lot of cases, it is used as an excuse, also cos I know parents who reckon their child's got it, and their parenting skills or home lives make it more likely that it's not. However, I can see you have stresses over this, and I can empathise with you there- The best way I find with my girls is to keep their routine (mainly the younger one) as similar as possible as I find that any big changes throw them off balance. I try and give them as much home cooked food as I can, so they don't have much processed stuff, because they react badly to a preservative called Sodium Benzoate, and also to artificial food colourings. I try and give them individual time, and as much help and support as I can when they need it. If I issue a consequence for misbehaviour, no matter how indignant or bad tempered they get, I always follow it through, even though it can take a couple of hours for them to accept it, because they, like all kids, need firm boundaries, and consistency. They need to know that you mean what you say, even though they find it very hard to accept, and no matter how draining it is, you need to be firm and consistent with that. Above all, I praise them for everything they do well, especially when they try hard, even if they don't quite get there, because they made an effort. I constantly point out what they are doing well, or makes me proud, and boost their self esteem. I also reward them(depending on which child) with a lot of love,small stickers + "treats" like time at the park, time with me, going out for walks, small gifts, etc... to reinforce the fact that I'm very pleased when they do behave. I never talk about them or their behaviour to anyone where they can hear what I say, because they'd pick up on it + use it as a weapon to justify their behaviour! + when they feel bad cos they realise they're not the same as most other kids that makes them feel worse. Every night, I sit and think about at least one thing they did that made me smile or laugh, and it makes the bad bits feel less bad cos tomorrow is a new day and it might be better than today. I'm not saying it's easy, and we never get it right all the time either- I get cranky, tired, frustrated, upset and lonely (single parent!!), and some days I could cheerfully give up,or scream in sheer frustration when I can't get through to them, but it does get better, and it isn't all bad. When people stare, say stuff, or try and offer their opinions, like your relatives and school, I listen to what they have to say, and tell them I'll bear in mind what they've said, or thank them for their advice. Then I chew it over, and either let it go and try and forget about it,or ask what they@re going to do abou it(school?) Have the school got him on either school action, or action plus, and are they going to get in an educational psychologist to see if he needs a statement for support in school? Just keep praising him when he does the slightest thing well, or better, and keep reassuring him that he's very special. Try star charts, or marbles in a jar, and always give them at 15min intervals or so, because he may find it hard to focus for longer than that. You may ask him to see if he can tell you what he finds hard at school, and what he feels he can do well. Are the teachers he has good with him? You can maybe get whoever is testing him for ADHD to liase with you and the school to make sure you and he get the support and help that you need. Good luck, anyway, I hope you go on okay. xx

after years of thinking my son had adhd when he was 15 they then said that it wasnt and that he instead had aspergers which is far worse. he is almost 21 now and has to live in a residentual care type place. he has his own flat but there are people there to watch out for everyone. i dont want to alarm or scare anyone but make sure you get the right condition diagnosied because my son had the wrong treatment for 8 years. i worry about him so much i couldnt cope with him and neither could my parents. he has the worst form possible of it and has the skills of an 8 year old but over intelligent. i dont want to see other parents going through the pain and hell of suffering by not knowing.

Hi

just a quick post to let you know that we do have some information and advice on ADHD at:

channel4.com/family/adhd.html

regards

C4 Health Editor

Hello Kilian, I'm just reading a book about ADD/ADHD you might find useful, written by a sufferer, its called Only a mother could love him by Ben Polis. Its v encouraging.

My son has Aspergers which like another poster said can be a bit similar, however mine seems to be more mildly affected & at 17 is well on the way to independence. Good luck.

my child is nearly 3 i have posted here before, his dad had ADHD and i have done loads of reading and they say it passes mostly between father and sons. i knew there was something wrong with reece from when he was born he screamed and cryed all the time. he dad spent a lot of time bouncing him. he couldnt be settled in the normal way. he hardly smiled either. he hated new people and hated traveling so much he would just throw a fit so bad you think it was a seisure. i have an older son too so although i wasnt comparing i new there was big differences.

he hardly ever talked and so far he has never told me that he is hungary or thristy or in pain. i have to guess every time (i really good at it now and we have like sign lanauge)

its so hard and there isnt much help around you have to just keep pushing.

since i last posted reece is still just saying phrases like i know and oh no. but now he takes my hand and shows me what he wants, instead of just screaming till i guess right. i can take him out doors and he holds my hand instead of running in to the road all the time and paddying if i dont let him.

he still has a temper and doesnt seem to want to share ha ha, but i see loads of changes and hes really caring instaed of hitting me. he even has a favourite toy which is a buzz lightyear and will even say his phrases. he starts full time nursery after christmas and i think it will help alot