I quite like the continuum idea, but what do you do with your newborn when you want to have a bath / shower if you don't have any modern inventions like cots / bouncers / prams and there's no partner around? Leave it on the floor hoping there's no pets / draughts / other small children around?
Eh you have a bath with your baby, the most relaxing and reassuring way to do it.....helps bonding in yet another way. Not that I don't have a pram but I love my sling and my shared baths with both my children. The 50's woman is evil, hopw could you class a 3 day old baby as a manipulator? And yes babies need fresh air, so get up and walk with them, it's an amazing revolutionary concept called exercise!!
I can't believe Claire Verity! That's an absolutely awful thing to do to new parents. All you want to do is cuddle your baby when you have one, not leave them outside for hours on end with no physical contact. That's horrendous! That wee girl just wanted to bond with her new sister too & she couldn't.
Even the recent 'routine based' books nowadays allow physical contact with your child so you can bond.
Intrigued to find out what happens in the next few episodes with that woman.
I think the reality is that you need to borrow what works from the continuum concept approach, and accept that some things have to be altered. We've brought up both of our boys in line with a lot of it (lots of carrying, breastfeeding, co-sleeping) but the simple fact is that we don't live in tribes, so you just have to use bouncers and so on - just put the bouncer by the bath and keep the baby amused by chatting to it! We're lucky enough to have lots of family nearby, who we get on with, so they have helped to be a mini-tribe of our own!
As for the 1950s approach.. I agree with the comments so far. When you sit there and watch the parents struggling with their instincts, and hear the distress in the baby's cry, you just want to tell them to trust their feelings.
I am totally gobsmacked as to what kind of people would want to parent the 1950's way or even recruit that women to put their new born baby into such a rigid routine as such a young age, where bonding is essential to both the well being of mother and baby...
Because she has never had children she doesnt know just how much a mother loves her baby. Thats whay she can leave other people's babies in other rooms... because she has no emotional connection with them. I feel sorry for the baby, and I feel sorry for the parents who miss out on their opportunity to enjoy such a rare chance.
I actually applied for this programme as was pregnant with my first baby last year and when you had your phone disussion they outlined the three methods and asked which you would want to try. I actually said the 1950s one!! Thank god it was all filmed later as even as a terrified new mum i would never have left my son for four hour periods without cuddles and love and i cannot imagine feeding him , without looking into his eyes!!!! no wonder the mentor has no kids cos if she did she may develop a maternal bone in her body and know how heartbreaking it would be to leave your baby crying, for long periods. I have two springer spaniels too who would not even like to be put outside for four hours at a time. we may do things wrong and learn from our mistakes but I would rather do that and have a house full of love, where if my son needs some love, he certainly gets it! gill
i had a baby 4 months ago (my second) i used him to set the routine and have had no problems he sleeps through the night and has done since 2 months, he has a great daily routine loads of cuddles is is in our room at night, lots of playtime and eye contact. How on earth can we deprive our babies of these things and listen to someone who has not had a baby and does not know what the maternal instinct is and how strong it is.
I was appalled to see the method of child'care' employed by Clare Verity in the first episode of Bringing up Baby. Of course having a baby is disruptive and of course it changes your life forever. Nad it is nackering. But that's the point. You become responsible for a new human life, that learns everything from you. There is something very wrong with people who think that it's normal to have a baby and then lock it away so that it can't inconvenience them. Since the birth of my children I want to drink in every second with them. I want to see how they change, what they learn from day to day. I want to share every smile and giggle, not put them in the garden like an untrained pet. To tell a father that he can't cuddle his day old child? And for him to accept that?! I was stunned. How can that bring about secure, balanced children? And how traumatic for the parents. Parents are responsible for the emotional and spiritual well being of their children, not merely managing what goes in one end and out of the other. Thank God for Dr Spock and Deena.
I can't believe that anyone would want to bring their child up in the old, cold 50's style.
I want to hold and cuddle my baby, not leave him outside on the patio for 4 hours! That's abuse in book, emotion neglect.
I find it sad that anyone would choose to put their child through a TV experiment, like those parents have. Have faith in your own instincts, it's normally the best thing for you and your baby
Oh yes... and watching the mother sitting there trying to convince herself that it is the best thing for her baby... she doesnt even believe it herself! Surely it is only natural for the parent and child to want to be together... and to be together. She should not be allowed to do this to other people's babies... and she should not be allowed to damage the experience that people will never have chance for again.
These babies will suffer developmental delay - their brain synapses will not join - the reason the babies stop cring and sleep on cue after "training" is because babies who are treated like this stop crying because no one comes - babies who are neglected stop crying - not because they are trained because they are neglected!
Babies need love and attention to nurture and grow. Rant over!
I am a child psychologist and whilst I agree that routine is important, every child is an individual, born with a different temperament and different needs. I don't advocate the strict 1950s approach that came across as emotionally cold and rigid! Not cuddling babies? Where has that come from?! See Bowlby's work on attachment theory (which wasn't really known about till the 1960s), he is probably the most influential writers on attachment and its importance for future psychological wellbeing and relationships into later life.
Routine has its part to play, it can make children feel secure, but a baby has other emotional needs that are central to its healthy development. Also, how does a parent bond with a child it never spends time with or cuddles?
As with most things in life, it is usually down to a balance, between baby and parent's needs. When there is an uncomfortable 'fit' this is where the problems are likely to occur and usually a referral to someone like me!
An interesting programme, clearly designed to provoke debate!
I am so upset after watching that blonde women stop that mother from attending her new born hungry needing baby. Horrible heartless women is killing anybond between mother and baby and should be stopped and NOT paid a rediculous amount of money to teach hew perants how to basically abandon their newborns. Having a baby is not about being selfish...its about sharing your time and love for your baby. who ever paid this women to "help" them with a routine are either selfish or crazy!! Where the hell did channel4 find her?
Even the big sister in the 1950's approach had instincts! All she wanted was to cuddle her little sister. It's natural. Just think what a cold and heartless world it would be if we all ignored eachother when we were distressed, upset, unhappy... the list is endless. My daughter is 16 weeks old tomorrow and my heart is breaking for the 1950's mum! Oh, and since when does leaving your baby in the garden for 3 hours on their own a good idea?
The major thing which has got my goat about this Claire is that she is telling new parents to make the newborns sleep in their own room from birth. Sorry but the governments own advice is (Quoted from the NHS Direct Site) "The research also confirmed an earlier finding that babies are more likely to die if they sleep in a separate room from their parents. The Department of Health recommends that babies sleep in a cot or crib in their parents' room for the first six months."
Also totally disagree with the idea of "Baby sole goal to ruin your life" attiude this lady has!!!
The 50s method really caused us stomach pains! How can you bring up a baby without any affection, physical contact, etc.?? What's the point in having a child if you just use the stop watch to put it away like a thing to "have your life back as soon as possible"? If that's what you're looking for, please buy yourself a new car but don't raise a totally disconnected human being.
A very happy and affectionate father of a 9 months' old girl
I had my children in the 80's. I certainly didn't use the 1950's approach. I cuddled my babies, brought them into my bed occasionally, they went outside in the pram only if I was with them. I fed them when they were hungry, I did put them in their own room, only because I woke up with every little sound they made, but suprise suprise mine sleep through the night from the age of 3 1/2 months old. (approx 12 weeks). So you don't need to be so cruel. It's natural to want to cuddle your baby for goodness sake.
Completely agree about the maternal instinct, but just want to say that dads can learn to be in tune too! One of the most important things we picked up from the continuum concept, and from "Three in a Bed" and other books by Deborah Jackson (who has a bit more of an up to date perspective) was that we've lost touch with our parental instincts in the western/northern/modern world. The trick is to try to relearn them.
Made me laugh when the 1950s woman said her method had been around from the 1800s, as if that made it long lived - she didn't seem to twig that parenting had been going on since we were apes in the trees! Don't know my prehistory very well, but we're talking 10,000 years + I guess...
The 1950s woman absolutely horrified me! And my other half, for whom my baby due in January will be his first (I have 2 already). You can tell she has no children, she doesn't truly know how to handle them. I agree with more of a cross between the Dr. Spock and Continuum Concept, as the gurus actually have raised their own children on the concepts, and know they actually work. Neither ignores instincts, and the whole point of having children. Mel
had to laugh at the new parents having a glass of wine and thinking it was all gonna be so easy, i was thinking surely you know you will be feeding again in a few hours. To think everything was gonna be perfect from day one!!!Like i say we have two dogs and with just the arrival of them , we new our lives would change commitment wise. I dont get it to think you can have a baby that has lived inside you for 9 months and think it will be able to be trained to not interfere with your life!!!!seems unatural that you would nt want to hold it all the time after it has come out of you, i even used to find myself touching my belly as i missed having him inside me.
