my son is 4 and half - he will not sleep in his own room as says there is monsters in there. last year I even let him pick out new furnishings for his room to make it cosy but he still wants to sleep in our bed with us. He will not play upstairs on own if we are downstairs because of this also. i used the naughty step but he hates it as he says monsters are at top of stairs. I now use a chair in dining room were he can see us. HE is fine if he is in same room as us. i have also a 2and half year old boy also who has always been in his cot in his own room. he sleeps in a bed now but he wont go to sleep until has milk in bottle and still wakes up for a bottle during the night and when this happens he also now comes into our room to get me to come back in with him as i know he sees his brother has done this. He also still has a dummie and usually 3 at night for spares which i could do with advice on how to get rid. i have tried changing bottle for anyway up cup and other brands and using water instead of milk but does not work. he throws the bottle at the wall as it is not milk he does not have bottle during day and drinks out of normal cup during the day I cant get my 2year old to eat any type of fruit and veg either, i have tried mashing, hiding in food he likes, hot and cold but he wont touch them. i have spoke to health vis and had to reduce milk in bottles to fat free as he was always constipated which has helped what i would do for a good nights sleep.

It sounds like you are having a tough time of it at the moment.

I'm no expert on these matters but my sister in law is an educational psychologist and she has given me some advice concerning some of the issues you raised.

Regarding the 'monsters', we can all probably remember feeling scared when alone as a child and my sister in law recommended to me that I empower my own daughter with a magical or special power that scares away monsters. Given that monsters are imaginary, arming your children with an imaginary power such as saying 'boo' (which is the one I use) or pretending perhaps that all they have to do is breath fire at them, gives them a feeling of being in control. The other thing that I found helped with my daughter is watching the film Monsters Inc. In the begining the monsters seem scary but the film makes it clear that they are really soft and are even more scared of children than they are of them! Although there is a couple of bad guys so maybe you should watch it first and see what you think before showing it to them, only you are in a position to judge if it will help or not.

As for the bottle situation, I have no experience personally, but I suspect that things will have to get worse before they get better. Even though it sounds harsh I think you may have to encourage him to give up his bottles, perhaps he could give them to santa with the promise of something special in return, the same for the dummy, although I'd deal with one thing at a time for now if I were you. It will be difficult and you may be in for a lot of sleepless nights to begin with, but it will benefit you all in the long run.

My own daughter is three and still has a dummy at night, I don't honestly think it's such a problem, she also keeps a spare under her pillow. If he has a dummy during the day I'd try and get him to leave it in the bed so he's not tempted to use it, but I'd let him keep it at night at least until he's used to not having a bottle!

As for getting him to eat fruit and veg, just keep trying, don't make it a big deal, but make sure you encourage him to at least try new foods and let him see you really enjoying eating fruit and vegetables, making lots of lipsmaking yummy sounds in the process! LOL (The things we do for our kids eh?) Reward him for trying a new food (perhaps a reward system or chart)and make a big fuss of him if he does, if he doesn't just ignore it. The worst thing you can do in my opinion (and I have been know to be wrong ) would be to let him see that you're worried or tense about his eating, if your worried he'll be worried!

I hope I have been some help and good luck!

Great advice from sillycat. Here's some other ideas too:

monsters
I've also heard that helping him sprinkle 'magic dust' can help, (as this keeps monsters away!). My friend did this with her kid for ages ... until he turned round one night and told her, "it's ok mummy, monsters are only pretend you know". However, remember there's no point in you telling him that they're not real - they are to him! Also, use a really dim plug-in night light so that it's not pitch black.

Bottle
My son went crazy the first time I offered him milk in a cup at night, so I just poured it from the cup into a bottle in front of him. Also, I kept talking about how clever he was at using a 'big boy cup' during the day. I left it a few nights then tried again and he just drank it with no reaction whatsoever.

Dummy
I wouldn't worry too much about a bedtime dummy, but make sure you get the type with the flatter stalk - this type allows him to close his gums together so doesn't damage teeth and jaw development (the actual teat shape doesn't matter). If you really want rid altogether you could try the following:
1. 'Forget' to take the dummy on holiday - theres lots going on to distract him and bedtime is often later and more relaxed
2. Burn the teat a little with a lighter flame - this makes the texture go funny and it becomes unpleasant to suck.
3. Cut the teat off the dummy and show him it's 'broken' - get him to put it in the bin himself.
4. He could give it away to a friends new baby (tell him the shops have none left), and be allowed to choose a nice new bedtime comfort toy from the shops for being such a kind boy.

Night time feed / day time meals
He may be waking for a feed in the night because he is genuinely hungry so make sure he is eating enough during the day, (can't tell from your whether this could be the case). Sit down and eat with him at mealtimes and offer a small portion that includes a few different foods he likes and also some veg and fruit - don't make a fuss if he doesn't touch it but offer it at every meal. Also, playdates where his friend is eating fruit and veg might encourage him to try them too. If he's eating enough solids during the day start reducing or diluting his night time bottle. Eventually you should be able to settle him with water or a cuddle instead.

Hope at least some of these ideas come in useful x