Everybody is entitled to their opinion but I feel that most parents on this forum are being extremely unfair to the way people choose to bring up their children if it doesn’t match their way of thinking yes we used a routine method and are very pleased we did so but I would never tell somebody who followed another way they were wrong its their choice and their babies to call somebody a child abuser for leaving their child to cry for a few minutes is a is outrageous and is clearly slander. As I say everyone is entitled to their opinion and over the last 4 weeks myself and my family have been shocked and sometimes hurt by your selfish comments but now its all finished and we have seen the final show we are pleased we did it pleased we chose Claire verity who we support 100% so go ahead have your say give your opinion we frankly don’t give a dam I am glad to see that not all people are as narrow minded and think their way is the only way so good on you lot any way going to enjoy my day with my beautiful family. I’m sure somebody tomorrow will upset your way of thinking and you will rant at them Goodbye and good luck A very happy routine method family
Well said Matt and Vicky - I have had a hard time on this forum and have been accused of child abuse which I found hurful and upsetting.....however I know that I have a beautuful, happy, contented little baby and that is all that matters. I did not follow the 1950's method but did use controlled crying. I only needed to do this for three nights and now my daughter goes down for any nap without a peep. A lot of the comments have stated that by doing so I am damaging my daughter....which is very hard to think of but I do not believe this to be the case and if I had another baby I would use the controlled crying method again
I too would not criticise somebody for the way in which they wanted to raised their kids....people can do what they feel comfortable and happy with.
Hi there Well first of all , The method of leaving crying babies outsidse for 3 hours is upsetting to watch , and there was other comments that clare verity came out with and also telling parents the wrong advice, about early weaning, when it's 6 months, also the comments about breast feeding, and not letting parents bond with their babies and telling people relatives they aren't allowed to come round etc. I know the programme was made for the purpose of showing which method was best however some people put there baby's needs first, and not about a routine, my son got his own routine without any inforcement , and so did my daughter who sleep 12 hours from birth. Have you never seen the NSPCC advert where the voice over says he doesn't cry in his cot no more because he knows no one comes anyway? that's what I think people where refering too unfortunately, It's the way clare and the c4 producers have edited the programme that maybe have upset people, people don't like to see babies unatttended crying outside in the cold for 3 hours. Also what message is that showing to a young mum who is on own bringing up a baby? Within a day or two she would probably be reported to the local authorites for leaving the baby outside crying, This again is what probably has upset some people, at the end of the day It's your choice, what people do and don't do with there baby, however doctors recommmend that you let babies cry any longer than 15 mins maximum.
Originally posted by karen999: Well said Matt and Vicky - I have had a hard time on this forum and have been accused of child abuse which I found hurful and upsetting.....however I know that I have a beautuful, happy, contented little baby and that is all that matters. I did not follow the 1950's method but did use controlled crying. I only needed to do this for three nights and now my daughter goes down for any nap without a peep. A lot of the comments have stated that by doing so I am damaging my daughter....which is very hard to think of but I do not believe this to be the case and if I had another baby I would use the controlled crying method again
I too would not criticise somebody for the way in which they wanted to raised their kids....people can do what they feel comfortable and happy with.
Good luck you both and your family.
Hi there too I have read some of the comments and posts on this forum and cannot believe some of them at first I was shocked that I was led to believe that Mia force fed and chucked outside for 4 hours also not fed from 7 to 7. but !!! reading your posts I read this was not case, I was actually in agreement with CV about weaning and the sex with baby in bed and the knife bit . When my children were little in the 90's shock horror you could start solids at 12 weeks and my daughters were on solids from 18 weeks and none of them allergys, Although I did not use 50's method my children were in a bath- bottle -bed routine and slept through at 6 weeks i think babies need to know the difference between day & night,Any way if your children go to school your baby has to fit in with the school child because school children need to have regular bedtimes and to be on time for school, I don't think its anyone place to critise any one 's parenting skills every one has a choice the proramme was edited, the only problem I think I can see that some parents think its real and copy the method full on good luck to you a your family and anyone who follows a routine and doesn't breastfeed its our choice afterall
Rozzie - thanks for your post. I was beginnig to feel that I was the only one out there who had these views. However, I know from talking to others (my sister, friends, mum) etc that they too have used the controlled crying method and this has worked for them.....some of their kids are older now and have not suffered any ill-effects!
I think that you have to understand why so many people got upset by the programme. Go back and watch the very first episode. When you baby who could only have been days old was put to bed at 7pm, Claire Verity made it clear that four hourly feeding must be implemented regardless of whether the baby needed food before the next feed. Your baby then woke up at 8.30pm, and she insisted that the baby should not be picked up. We the viewers do not know how long your baby cried for, did she cry until the next feed at 11pm ? Even if she didn't that is what Claire Veirty advises, strict 4 hourly feeding. What happens if a baby is genuinely hungry ? How can you defend starving a tiny baby, just to enforce a routine ?
At 11 weeks your baby was sleeping from 11pm to 7am, which most parents would have thought fantastic, yet in order to force your baby to longer at night, solids were introduced. How can you justify this ?
It is not now that your baby will suffer, but perhaps in her forties/fifties she will be more prone to heart disease, diabetes etc; These are the medical facts.
This is not a personal attack, I believe that you were foolishly mislead, and that their is nothing wrong with routines, but not ones implemented in such a abusive way.
Tell me during the before the filming, during the filming and after, were you given the opportunity to talk to a medical advisor via the programme ?
In order to gain a few hours extra sleep you willing to put your daughters life at risk, you can hardly blame other parents for feeling so angry.
By the way I should point out by endorsing Claire Verity you are endorsing leaving tiny babies to cry for indefinate periods, not just a few minutes. She herself made it clear on national television that she approved of controlled crying with tiny babies. Controlled crying means leaving the baby to cry for as long as it takes to go to sleep. Yes, you may check it every few minutes. But at the end of the day you are are still endorsing leaving newborns to cry for lenthy periods, not for a few mintues.
I would just like to add my support to Matt & Vicky. I think some of the parents on this forum have been extremely cruel in their attitude towards the '1950s' parents in the show. The most vocal people seem to be the continuum mums, who seem to have the attitute that they are right and are not willing to contemplate other ideas, even though every parent and every baby are different and have live in different circumstances.
I am happy to hear that Mia is a happy healthy baby and I wish you all best wishes for the future!
I actually believe in routine based parenting, what I can't udnerstand is how anyone can endorse a method that envolves leaving newborn babies to cry if they are hungry. However, Matt and Vicky paint the picture, that is what they are doing by supporting Claire Verity's parenting advice. She had on national television and in interviews stated she dosn't like babies, that they should not be held or loved for more than 10 minutes a day, and must be left to cry should they wake up hungry before a feed. Those are the simple facts, and what sort of human beings think this is acceptable is beyond me.
Hi Matt and Vicky. I was shocked that you called your tiny baby daughter a "little madam" on TV and speculated that "if you gave her an inch, she'd take a mile". That seemed to me to be a thorough misunderstanding of tiny babies and what their needs are. It seemed a very combative approach to be taking with a tiny baby.
Perhaps rather than being defensive you could take on board what some people have been saying. There is a mountain of scientific evidence actually going back to the 1950s when John Bowlby did his studies into attachment to show that bonding with your baby is one of the most important things a parent can do for a child and its future mental and physiological development. Claire Verity's methods are not conducive to creating that attachment, although they seemed so completely mad that I'm assuming that parents didn't actually follow them when the cameras were off.
I know that you say it was edited and you only left your baby crying for a few minutes. But to us the viewer it looked different. It was made to look like you were to never cuddle your baby, to force feed her and leave her hours between feeds and to shut her out in the garden. All this while the two of you were sat on the sofa drinking wine.
Now I know you say it didn't happen like this but this is what people saw and that is why they were so angry. A previous poster hinted that it seems to be the continuum mums but that is not the case. Everyone has been talking about the show and how awful Clare Verity is. I go to a lot of parent groups etc and everyone was up in arms about it. There have been petitions, complaints, newspaper articles, countless forum topics on it not just here but all over parenting sites, even Gina Ford complained about it lol!
Therefore you must beable to surely see where we are coming from. I am absolutely astounded that you are blaming people on here for attacking you rather than Channel 4 for showing you in the really bad light that it did.
I wish you and your family all the best for the future. But please please if they ever want to make a second series, for the sake of your daughter never let that women in your house again!
There is a valid scientific reason why these reputable organisations have expressed their concerns about the risks regarding this method, most of the evidence coming from the 90’s and 00’s with the development of new technology, such as brain imaging scans. Maybe read these organisations statements on social baby website.
NSPCC
The Federation for the Study of Infant Death (FSID).
The Association for Infant Mental Health (AIMH)
Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health (RCPCH)
The Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC)
Th Childrn's Project
La Leche League
The National Literacy Trust, Talk To Your Baby,
The Family and Parenting Institute (FPI)
It appears you may have been led to believe CV's methods were ok by C4 producers who incidentally deliberately ignored the advice of those organisations who voiced concern about showing the 50’s method before filming. You were obviously very distressed at not responding to your child when crying, I’m sorry your family have been used by the media in such a deceitful way.
I fear though that the programme has misled many vulnerable mothers and fathers, who have only seen the edited version of the show.
Matt and Vicky, I wish you both, and of course your daughter, a very happy future and I wish not to make you feel guilty about your choices regarding the method you chose, but... I feel that you were both pushed into doing things you wouldn't have considered right if the presence of Claire Verity and the filming crew wern't there. I think channel 4 have a lot to answer for. If you had taken part in this program where everything was still there as usual, but you were informed of the scientific studies that had shown that what Claire Verity was forcing you to do was harmful to your daughters emotional (over stressful panic crying of your daughters fear of being alone after coming out of your safe womb into a dark, quiet unfriendly environment etc) and physical (forced bottle feeding etc) development and wellbeing, would you have done everything the same? If you had the knowledge of all the parents and organisations that have stepped forward including the UKs child abuse and neglect org NSPCC, to say that what Claire Verity was forcing you to do was infact wrong, damaging to your daughter and widely disputed by health professionals and academics, would you have done everything the same? If you had the choice of looking deeply into all three of the methods available for you to choose, meeting all three of the mentors and discussing in depth what each of them was going to advise you to be doing over the next un-changable 3months of the start of your daughters life (which channel 4 should have given you the option), would you have done everything the same? I have so much sympathy for you as I feel you were unjustly forced into doing this horrendous 'experiment' on your daughters newborn life and again wish you all the best, but I feel that you shouldn't blame parents out there that feel that what they have seen is abuse and neglect and against nature, because it is proving to be correct.
The whole 'I will do what a want and don't give a damn what anyone else thinks' attitude is hardly going to help your case. There are thousands of people in uproar around the country over the method you chose to use. What alot of us are critical of is the way the method you chose seemed to put the wants of the parents so far ahead of the needs of your baby. Like others have said, the image of you both sitting on the couch sipping wine while your baby screams for food or comfort in her room was incredibly heartbreaking/shocking. It just encapsulated everything that is wrong with our society- this utter selfishness we have where not even our own children and their intrinsic need for food and comfort comes before our own desires.
I'm sure you have got what you want out of the method. An outwardly happy baby who sleeps through- I just wonder at what price that will be. When we are taught from day dot that the very people who are supposed to meet our needs will ignore us for their own benefit, I wonder what kind of adult that makes? Certainly not a very secure or trusting one.
As a simple viewer of the programme you chose to take part in it is great to have the opportunity to address you directly. I want to express to you what I found so disturbing about watching the programme,particularly the method chosen by yourselves and another couple. The programme was promoted as an examination of 3 methods of childrearing but the 1950s method involves techniques which are now known to be harmful to babies development and detrimental to their wellbeing.It was presumably chosen to provide a nice contrast to the other 2 methods which share a lot of common ground.The reason there is concensus on some issues like bonding and contact is because of EVIDENCE.This evidence shouldn't have been ignored in the name of entertainment.Of course that was not your issue as you were merely participants not programme makers,however as a child care worker I would expect you to be better informed and to have wanted to be up to date with the latest best practise and promote that. You say that you chose a routine method as you needed to get back to work.Personally I don't believe anyone should have to shortchange their own children to look after someone else's and I wouldn't choose a childcarer who had a young child as that should be their priority.It is my understanding that there is some Maternity payment available to the self employed if enough NI has been paid,voluntarily if necessary.Saying that,given a choice between a routine or potential homelessness then Mia was probably better off with what she got. The really upsetting thing for me is that people will have watched the programme but not read your posts.They will see you following Claire's advice to the letter.They will have seen you ignoring your crying child and heard Claire's preposterous pronouncements about manipulative little babies and they will have seen you come out of it happy as Larry.They won't know what advice you ignored,they'll just see a good night's sleep as a legitimate goal and give it a try.They've seen it on TV so it must be OK. Babies will be left to cry because of this programme even though no healthcare professional will advise it.You have helped this situation to come about not so much by taking part but by failing to recognise the potential for misinterpretation and simply wholeheartedly recommending something which is widely condemned and discredited. I'm sorry that you feel picked on but you put yourselves on a Channel4 documentary of which you admit to being fans. I doubt you sit in silent sympathy for contestants on Big Brother or participants on Wife Swap.You reap what you sow.
Originally posted by karen999: And you two say you are not rude or offensive to other posters!! God forbid that someone else has a different point of view.....and here was me thinking that we lived in a democratic society.....just goes to show you....
I can't help it if I found the comment funny. It's a bit like comedy on the tv, we're not all going to laugh at the same joke.
Originally posted by karen999: And you two say you are not rude or offensive to other posters!! God forbid that someone else has a different point of view.....and here was me thinking that we lived in a democratic society.....just goes to show you....
I thought that was a valid question in light of her comments being so pro CV.
Orangeboom - you are quite right - I made a comment the other day which I found hilarious but not many others did....mind you I went laughing my socks off all the way to bed....anyway please stop replying to my posts I am trying to get the last posting of the day......I am a bit of a control freak in case you had not noticed!!!!
nite nite oranjeboom....no doubt will debate the issues with you tomorrow......and I mean tomorrow....for God's sake I am on to get the last word in on nearly all the top tree posts......!!!!
As I say everyone is entitled to their opinion and over the last 4 weeks myself and my family have been shocked and sometimes hurt by your selfish comments
Selfish parenting incited selfish comments! Not that anything said against you has been selfish, it's been out of concern for babies who cannot speak up. Science, brain scans, tests and research can now let us know the damage caused by neglecting a babies basic needs. Needs Verity does no deem fit to see to, no matter what their biology says. We are just trying to let people know what is happening in their little bodies and little minds that is invisible to many.
"There are none so blind as those who will not see"
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