Can anyone help, my daughter who is 4 is having terrible temper tantrums answering me back and shouting all the time, i know she gets the shouting from me as i it is the only time she listens to me, I have tried kneeling down on her level and talking calmly to he, she just turns her head the other way and will not look at me which makes me mad. Also the shouting she doews is affecting my 18month old son as he keeps screaming at the top of his voice and she just laughs at him, whereas i try to ignore him.
This is really getting me down because all the techniches i try dont seem to work, at the moment i am not enjoying myh children and i can't see anything changing. None of my friends who have children seem to have had any of the problems that i have, people say she will calm down once at school, she has been in full time nursery for 2 months now and things are getting worse not better.Please help!!!!!

Usually when you try a new technique the kids rebel for a while and it may seem as if its not working, but given time things will. Try very hard not to shout, it might feel as if thats the only way you are being listened to, but they can hear you just as well when you speak at a normal level.
When my 2 where younger I noticed how little problems used to gradually build up and get worse and worse. I found it helpful to one day suddenly change things to break the habit of whatever was going wrong. This could be sitting at a different place at the table, changing the order of the morning routine, deciding not to shout for a whole day however annoyed I was getting.
Also, when they are really pushing you, try and remind yourself that you are the adult and must behave like one - try not to argue or bring up anything negative unless its relevant.
Then there's the usual things like reward charts. If you use one try and make it for positive things not for negative. The more you can praise a child for being good, even if its only something small, the more they will enjoy that and want more- kids love it when mum says well done and gives them a big hug.
If things have got worse since she started nursery, it would be good to have a chat with the staff and see how she is while she is there and if there is anything upsetting her.

First thing, please do not shout, this only makes it worse, that is why she is shouting, she sees mummy doing it and thinks its ok to shout back, my friend does exactly the same and her 3 girls are so unruly all the time. You are doing it right coming down to her level and be strict in your voice, but no shouting, it will take time and she will learn. Praise praise praise as well it really does work, my 5 year old is always being praised from when he was able to understand, touch wood i havent had any problems with him, ok he tests me sometimes, but dont they all, time is on your side, she will listen if you keep talking to her calmly and not negatively. Good Luck!