I have 2 boys, 3 and 7 (in 2 weeks). My problem is the oldest boy and his behaviour... Most of the time he is a charming, extremely bright, loving sweet fun boy. But at times he can be very disobedient, rude and insolent. He has a violent temper and lashes out with hitting, pinching, pushing, kicking, even stabbing with pencils and cursing. He has no fear of adults...even his head teacher.
This problem is really focused around school...he has been back this year for 3 days and has been in trouble all three days, and I have (again) been called to the school. At home I and my husband can easily deal with any rebellion from him, but childminders can bear the brunt of some awful behaviour. When he visits friends, we always get glowing reports from their parents about how wonderful he is...
Please help...I cannot be with him 24 hours a day. He has to behave well when I am not with him, but how do I do it?
We use the bold corner at home and loss of privileges too. As of yesterday, he has been stripped of all toys and is 100% grounded. He has to start earning everything back. But I honestly think he doesn't really care. He hates school (always has) and would love for me to pull him out (I think the school would too).
One other thing, as I said he is very, very bright. He is top of the class without doing any work, but his confidence is very low in relation to some things. He thinks he can't do maths - and will freeze on very simple sums, even though when he relaxes he can actually do maths well beyond his peers with ease. He refuses to learn to ride a bike or skate, because he believes he will fail...and he really hates to fail. He is very conscious of being teased and reacts with anger to criticism or teasing, he gets very upset - even though he is fairly free to give it out in the other direction.
One of the best things I did with mine was to get them involved in outta school activities. Mine do football, tennis and scouts/cubs/beavers. I found that being involved only in school when they lack confidence makes them rebel....as they feel they are always being judged by the same friends...normally the ones they play with outta school too....by giving them new activities/friends that weren't associated with school...they gained confidence and self esteem and the 'kicking off' stopped....not all the time but most of it....all kids have their moments!!!!
I dunno if this is of any use to you but it helped my lot!!
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Hi Have just read your query and wondered if you had thought of exploring the possibility your son my have an ASD, in particular I am thinking Aspergers Syndrome. This can also be referred to as high functioning autism. My son was diagnosed in January after starting school in reception last September. There had never been any problems at home but straight away the school picked up on "symptoms" at school. Aspergers is very much a social unawareness of his surroundings and how his behaviour impacts on others. My son was 5 in August and intellect wise is about 7 (although special teachers are required at school as this is the place his Aspergers is really noticeable) but emotionally he is still having tantrums of a 2 year old. Maybe you should try contacting the school nurse or health visitor and see if any assessment can be carried out on your son. If it is an ASD then the sooner it is diagnosed the sooner he can get help that is needed and an understanding by people as to why he acts like he does. Hope this helps??
I'm not sure about about gingerlady(ies) theory, but from my experience with my daughter when she started acting bably it was because she said ( after weeks of tantrums and bad behaviour she told Daddy) she felt that she wasn't getting enough attention. And sometimes kids will act up because they don't understand the difference between negitive and positive attention. So before you run off to the Doctors to see if there something wrong with him I'd see if he would maybe talk to his Daddy or maybe even a granparent to see if you can find out what his grip is. Is he maybe jealous of his younger sibbling, are you showing them more affection? And maybe this is his way of dealing with it. Just my thoughts!!
