hi everyone emma im 19....i i split with my baby dad when i was 6 months pregnant with my son who is now 2 and a half and we have had no contact since. i found out about 2 months ago that he had moved to live in my town not far away from my house. i was standing in the quei at the local supermarket when he appeared behind me and we started talking it was just like it was when we got together....then he started making up lies saying that it was my fault we split up and i as really nasty to him saying my son wasn't his. i accepted this for my sons sake even though he had twisted everything like he used to but i would always end up thinking it was my fault. i posted my mobile number through his door and when he phoned i said he could see our son on a sunday to get to know him but we couldn't have a relationship as i didn't feel that way about him. he was upset by this but saw my son for about three weeks and i put up with his crude comment thinking it was best for my son. we even went out to pick an xmas present for him together for him to give him on boxingday. now i haven't heard from him he ignores my calls and txt....i dont know what im supposed to do now
any help would be apreciated

Speak to your health visitor and ask if she can help you arrange some mediation.

It's a terrible time of year for emotional trauma, in any case, so no wonder you're feeling pulled in many directions about this.

I'd write him a polite letter explaining that you'd like him to be about for your son, regularly as this is important to children, and leave the ball in his court on that one.

Meanwhile, have a chat with your health visitor so that these visits can be arranged in a better medium where your past emotional ties won't interfere with your ex's relationship with his son.

And no more mind games! You can't go round telling him he's not the father, that's not fair however angry you are. Your son deserves to know his dad and make his own mind up about how he wants to proceed. It's not up to you, you should never speak to your son about your personal feelings towards his dad either. He needs to know him in his own right, without interference because you're not on good terms. It's tough but it's possible.

Good luck.

i think you have to think about whats best for your son, if his dad is going to be in his life it has to be a regular thing my first son dad used to beat me when my son was 5 months old we finally split with the help of the police.

i didnt want to see him again but i allowed him to see my son through his mum and dad who i trusted - he turned up for a while then left it a year or two then turned up around his 3 birthday came to the party that his mum and dad we having for him asked to lend some money off them told my son he was going to the shop then never came back. it confused my son but he was very forward for his age so i had to explain that his dad might not always be around. which he took really well

you dont have to let him see your son at all if you dont want, tell him to contact the courts which by the way is very costly. if he goes that way he can end up with supervised visits where you dont even have to be at. sound like you and your son are better off with out him.