my father died suddenly last year and my disabled mother had to come and live with us. I'm finding it difficult to cope with the change in my family's lifestyle. any one got any tips on coping with similar circumstances?

This will sound heartless to some and it's not meant to, but think carefully before letting your mum move in, the amount of care and stress involved can be too much sometimes.
Not all carehomes are heartless companys just after your money and they don't all treat the elderly badly.
I'm not suggesting that you don't let your mother move in, just that you consider other options aswell. You're not only talking about a few years of looking after someone, it can be a whole life changing situation, and many many many years of care.
My friends mother in law is now 98 (my friend is in her mid 50's) and still going strong although she can't live on her own. For over 10 years they've cared for her, bathed dressed, carried her up/down stairs. My friend says alot of her life has been put on hold.
I'm sure there are people out there who can tell you good reason for taking her in aswell, although i hope no one say's it's cause it's the right thing to do! It's not always the right thing to do.

Doubt this has helped you any, but i hope it all works out ok for you kaydee

sorry i've just reread your post and i see that your mother has already moved in, so ignore my post

thanks kitty, I know a lot of what you said makes great sense.

my grandma moved in before she died . and she didnt get on with my mum , but it all worked out .

we had to change some of the house though . bathroom . chairs . doors .