Thought I start a new thread on this as there has been some slight micky taking in another thread on government speak.

Have you any examples of obfuscation, doublespeak or whatever from the press or any publications. (real or imaginary.)

For example a typical Guardian Public sector Job advert could read:-

Biodiversity Outreach Facilitator

As part of our initiative to implement strategies for flora and fauna diversity we are looking for a highly motivated person able to work on their own initiative to drive forward the data gathering function of this important project.
The work will involve interfacing with your subject matter and collating reports to be supplied both interdepartmentally and to external agencies.
The successful candidate will be required to travel widely and able to work without supervision. Knowledge of data recording equipment would be an advantage although full training will be given.


Translation

We want someone to go out with a notebook and count daffodils.

Oh boy do I have some wonderful examples!

Unfortunatley, I'm bound by the Offical Secrets Act, so if I did post them here then I would...

Who are you? No...! Leave me alone...! Someone get me a law........................

There is actually an Official Departmental Handbook on Plain English...
err...perhaps I shouldn't have revealed this
in a public forum...
Hey..what the...Oww!

WhereamI?

Oh, hi, Jays

Got sent this today from a mate in advertising - he seriously wants me to reword it for him! Reword it? I can't even bloody understand it!

"The combination of Gerry Anderson's creativity and state-of-the-art high-definition animated production and production facilities, Sony's global strength in providing a one-stop global solution to develop Captain Scarlet product iterations across all media platforms, ability to define and launch a business management strategy leveraging Sony's market strength in each category and our ability at TriMedia to converge the film and music worlds independently with vertical and street marketing expertise will prove to be of great benefit for all involved. I believe that a cross-pollination of creative properties in multiple media formats with a vertical market approach allows companies to maximize the return for their investment in creative properties and talents and will prove to be the economic engine for our industry in the future."

Giss a Job?


Your mate on pay per word?

I will be introducing independent converging into our market strategy with alacrity!!

It'd have to be pay-per-letter for me to even want to get out the dictionary!

Gerry Anderson?

Could be a job for International Rescue...

Gordon and Virgil are on their way in Thunderbird 2 - bringing Brains and Tin-Tin in the Mole (this will cut any material-boring is it's speccial function).

I'd have to write it for free then - no strings attached!

LOL! Don't you just love it when companies try and hide what they really mean.

My interpretation is that Sony are jumping onto the Gerry Anderson bandwagon as his new computer animated version of Captain Scarlet has been such a big success. They want to take the idea and sell loads of merchandise to go with it.

Cross-pollination of creative properties + economic engine for our industry
=
(lunch boxes in Asda + DVD's in HMV + plastic figures & vehicles in Toys R Us)
x bucket loads of money!!

That's my take on it anyway.

Although I could be wrong!

Aurora - I've just checked with my colleague, and you're just about 100% spot on!

You should get a career as a writ - oh, no, sorry ...

Cool! I've previously worked in marketing for financial and telecom companies and I think I read my fill of verbal mazes like this.

Whenever 'they' are trying to hide the real reason for doing something, it's usually because 'they' are trying to increase profits.

Altogether now 'Money makes the World go around, the World go around, World go around.'

Oh great!

Now I've got a remix of the Adams Family and Money Makes the World Go Around bouncing through my skull!

Shall we play "One song to the tune of another"?

No - Mornington Crescent!

I'll kick off - and remember it's Monday so you can't use either the Circle Line or pedestrianised areas.

Errrm - The Mall.

Sloane Square

(it feels all dirty playing a BBC game on a C4 website!)

Petticoat Lane

Lower Grosvenor Place

Ooook, does the fact that I have NO idea what you're talking about make me an ignorant idiot?

South Kensington

Back to Sloane Square mate! Sorry!

Consults rules.

Err, Adman; does South Kensington automatically lose points if there's an "R" in the month or if the competitor's name begins with an X or Y or Z?

LML:
This is a totally pointless and silly game invented by Humphrey Lyttleton ( a very, very, very old jazz musician)to build up his mates' pension funds.

quote:

Err, Adman; does South Kensington automatically lose points if there's an "R" in the month or if the competitor's name begins with an X or Y or Z?

Not today, Lewes, we're playing the Kier Sheffield extended rule set.

I'm so confuuuuused *bursts into tears*