Children in the dark cause accidents. Accidents in the dark cause children.

Ha the scrubs ones made me laugh. That eps a good 1!

Here are some classic friends quotes

Phoebe: If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.

Ross: How's Monica?
Phoebe: She's calmed down a bit. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling.
Ross: How's the hair?
Phoebe: I'm not gonna lie to you Ross. It doesn't look good.
Joey: Can we see her?
Phoebe: No, your hair looks too good. I think it would only upset her.
Rachel: Oh.
Phoebe: Ross, you can go on in.

Mike: Aren't you going to introduce me?
Phoebe: This is my husband... Crap Bag.
Mike: If you need help remembering, just think of a bag of crap.

Phoebe: Oh, Grandma is a person that everyone likes, / She bought you a train and a bright shiny bike, / But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner, / The last time you saw her she looked a lot thinner. Now your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru, / but the truth is she died and someday you will too.

Ross: After you told me that she was passed out in our room, I went in there to make sure she was alright. She was lying on my bed, all buried in people's coats. Well, I went to kiss her on the forhead but it was so dark I accidentally got her lips. I started to pull away but then I felt her kissing me back. It was only for a second but it was amazing. And now I found out that you kissed her first!
Chandler: Wait, what bed did you say she was on?
Ross: Mine.
Chandler: I'm pretty sure I put her on my bed.
Ross: No, she was defintely on my bed.
Chandler: Why would I kiss a girl and then put her on your bed?
Ross: Well then who was on my bed?
Monica: Oh! Oh! Oh!
Ross: No! No! No!
Monica: Yes!
Ross: You were under the pile of coats?
Monica: I was the pile of coats.
Ross: Oh my god!
Monica: You were my midnight mystery kisser?
Ross: You were my first kiss with Rachel?
Monica: You were my first kiss ever?
Chandler: What did I marry into?

In ASDA:

Staff lady: it's next to the section with under...wear.
*We go look for the section*
Me: Ha, she couldn't say underwear in one go..
*Staff lady walks by*
Me: Whoops.
Mum: I was giving you a look to try shut you up! I saw her coming.
Me: Oh no, i've ruined all relationships with the ASDA staff now.

Ha! I love scrubs. It's quote-tastic!

Like the one where Dr Kelso says "What has 2 thumbs and doesn't give a crap?" Then points to himself and says "Bob Kelso"

Ah it makes me chuckle.


That was a hoot and a holler...

In English today reading a play

Teacher: So what does it mean when B says she wants to be a wife again? (silence) Come on. What do you think it means
Friend (after a while): SEX!
Teacher: Yes exactly! Shes wanting this closeness again and Eddie isnt paying attention in that way. He's not going around reading cosmo trying to find out how to give a woman the perfect 0rga@sm.
(10 second silence)
Friend: HUH?!

oh..i said something really dumb today in biology..

biology teacher: "the white powdery stuff you find on the outside of grapes is yeast"

me: "omg...i always thought that was dust and dirt"

biology teacher smirks: "well, there's dust and dirt aswell..."

hehe

heres another couple of quotes from Joey

Gina: That should be easy: "How you doin'?" "How you doin'?" "How you doin'?"
Joey: Hey, it worked on all your friends.

Joey: I just wish I had a regular place where I could go and meet women.
Michael: You could go to bars.
Joey: Nah, I'm getting too old for that. Plus I'm not great at telling whether or not they're gay bars before I go in. Oh by the way, if Ramon calls, I am not here.

Michael: Did you know that the laws of physics suggest that the curve ball is actually impossible?
Joey: Why do you have to ruin stuff like that? Huh? The curve ball is impossible. Don't eat that, it's solid mold. That's not a dog, it's a possum. Stop letting it lick your face. Why?

Joey: Alright, I'm gonna have to run for it. How far away are we?
Michael: Nine miles.
Joey: Okay, nine miles in fourty-five minutes. Can I do that?
Michael: Are you a Kenyan man with a number on your back?
Joey: I don't know what that means. Alright, I'm gonna give it a shot.
[joey starts running, after a second he retruns]
Joey: Aggrevated an old injury...
Michael: Football?
Joey: No, no. Threesome.

Gina: So, whoever you pick is the real winner?
Joey: Yes!
Gina: And I can rub it in Alex's face?
Alex: Yeah, but you won't get to 'cos it ain't gonna go down like that, biatch!

just finished reading the Picutre of Dorian Grey and it is now offically one of my two faovurite books! so there are some great oscar wilde/dorian grey quotes...

"i die as i have lived, beyond my means"

" the curves of your lips rewrite history"

"i can belive anything provided that it is incredible"

"conscience and cowardice are really the same thing. conscience is the tradename of the firm"

i could go on and on!!

The Stevenage programme put in some classic George Best quotes in today as a tribute. These had me howling with laughter, much to the amusement of the bloke sitting behind me!

"I used to go missing a lot....Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World."

"In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol and it was the worst 20 minutes of my life!"

"They say I slept with 7 Miss Worlds. I didn't - it was only four. I didn't turn up for the other three."

"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."

The other day in art

Teacher: Carolyn, you enjoying your music? you must be.
Me: Why cause im not moaning?
Teacher: Erm yeh. Didnt want to say that incase you moaned at me more.
Me: Ok (puts headphones back in my ears)

In fabrics today. My friend talking about her and two others (while they were sitting there)

Friend: If we were all combined we would make such an ugly person. Im fat, shes spotty and shes ginger

In biology today

Friend: Right im gonna change this sh!te music.
Teacher: Hey what are you doing?
Freind: I want Mariah Carey!
Teacher: No. Its my computer and my itunes! We're not having any music now!
Friend: SCROOGE!

Me: You kneed me!
Punam: And i need you to.

In a geography lesson once, we had a student teacher (such a stupid woman!) n she told us all to practise for an earthquake coz thats wotwe were studying.every1 got under da tables, but when she'd moved on, 1/2 da class stayed down there. she didn't notice 4 20 mins or sumthin. N da good ones who did come back up got stuck to da da chewin gum on da bottom of da tables! It was funny at the time anyway

Teacher: Oi! And just this morning i was praising you.
Me: And you should.
Teacher: [to class] Now here's a girl who doesn't lack in confidence.

[I'm not 'up myself' or that confident..it just slipped out. ]


Me: Hey.
Teacher. Ooh, it's my mysterious texter!

[It's so funny when she replies thinking i'm someone else ]

From Black Books:

Manny - "All set! Let's PARRRRRRT-"
Bernard - "DON'T YOU DARE USE THE WORD 'PARTY' AS A VERB IN MY SHOP!"
Manny - "Let's ppppotter on down in order to go to the party..."

Jes: [To waiter] Can i have another coke please?
Waiter: Sure. [To me] Would you like anything? Coke, passionfruit..?
Me: No, thanks.
Jes: He wants to give you some passion.
Me: Ew!

-----

Me: Have a good Christmas!
Fatima: I will, i bought my dress for New Years! It's a holter [?] neck with frills at the bottom..
Me: ...
Fatima: But?
Me: But what?
Fatima: I sense a 'but' coming.
Me: Oh no, i was just visualising.
Fatima: Woah, easy!

[Visualising the dress!!]

---

*silence* [cos teacher's forgot their lines in the panto]
Me: So..this is good huh?
Miss Ali: It's great! *doube thumbs up*

No ones had any great conversations? Really?!

Hmm, just me then..

Fatima: They say Hollywood films are explicit but the girls in Bollywood films are always half naked..!
Me: But they never kiss.
Teacher: They do in the ones I watch.
Me: Well..I don't watch the kind of films you watch!
Teacher: Oh! No! No! No! No!

Writing about each other for the yearbook....
Jordan : What should I write?
Me : Basically, ou just need to write about how much you love me!
Jordan : There isn't enough paper in the world to epress how much I love ya darlin' ()
Kris : Ok, a summary of how much you love her then!
Me : Oh....that's romantic!

Earl: Smoking is bad (puffs a cigarette)

Crab Man: WHen she had me delivering poisonous cookies, I sensed something was fishy

Playing the name game last night at Jack's (We won) where you have to get your partner to guess the name you've got written on the piece of paper you pick out of a bowl etc.

Joe: ( reading "Jesus") Okay - right, he died for our sins.
Amy: Freddie Mercury?

Juie: Uh...when you're happy you're also...?
Issie: SAD!

Me: ( reading "Mrs Cox" a teacher at my school) Ok - well, her last name is like... multiple p3nises...
Jacky: (he doesn't go to my school) MRS PENII!
Me: NO! It's like multiple p3nises on a boat!
Jacky: Oh - ermm - Mrs Nobs!
Me: NO, dammit! Mulitiple p3nises - on a boat - with a male CHICKEN!
Jacky: It must be Penii.
Me: WHAT'S A MORE COMMON NAME??

LOL!! Jade that sounds classic

Haha! Tha cracked me up! Sounds like so much fun!!

Oh twas, friends, twas!