quote:

I thought it was ok when I first wrote it, but then as part of the coursework I had to analyse it. You know when you have to read something you've written, again and again, and you start thinking it's the biggest pile of corny crap you have ever seen? It got like that. Drives me crazy.

My most hated aspect of English! Like those silly oral evaluation forms. Jeeze.

I really liked the ending. I also liked the fact that it was open to your own interpretation, however you read it. Really great work, though. Really great!

oh i do get it! but i only did at the end - which is really great because i didn't see it coming. it was more of a shock of realisation and i loved it. i really loved it - i didn't know where you were going with this until the end - thought it might just end with nothing - but it was really great and really brilliant and i shall never doubt you again

Ohhhhh wow! Kate that is So good! *claps* I got the ending!
I don't wanna say what I think the ending was in case I'm being a thickit and have got it wrong! Lol! How could your teacher not get that?! Lol.

What do you mean in case you get done for copying it? You mean if they saw this on here and thought you'd copied it from here?!

I have a short story I wrote for my English Language GCSE. It's very.....airy fairy though, kinda fluffy. And is based on a TV show. But not ER. So I dunno.....it's a bit weird. :-]

put it up ria! this is great - people are actually writing stuff and PUTTING IT UP! this is how it should be!
please put it up!

Yeah! I went so now you should too ria. I'd love to read it. Groovy.

(The ending by the way, is that she is dead. I dunno if that's what you were all thinking. Doesn't matter anyway. That thing about different interpretations, my teacher said that as well, I think that's cool. Makes you think more.)

I have something too, but don't want to put it up.

And Kaz, that was really deep. Thanks for posting that

hope - you too! put it up, everyone put stuff up. it's all well and good here

*Blushes* Ok, ok, I'll put it up.
Thanks Kate, and LJ for the encouragement! LOL!

It's very long, and I had to take out only part of it for sunmission to the Exam Board so I'll post the part I submitted.
Cos in Word it's over 10 pages long! And my teacher had to remind me it was supposed to be a 'Short Story' Lol.
It's the ending part that I submitted, which recaps things that I'd warbled about in the previous 9 pages. Haa haa.

I'll go get it and post it.

OK, i've decided to post part of the beginning otherwise things might not make sense.

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Ever since I’d met Max I always knew there was something special about him, even before Liz had told me about his powers. And I knew straight away that they liked each other, and I remember thinking that they’d make a great couple. Max was tall with dark brown hair, and brown eyes and quite muscly. He was sometimes quiet but he could be quite funny at other times. From what I knew from Liz he was also very stubborn and quite protective. But why did he do such a thing to Liz? Why would he betray her like that? I thought he was smart enough to see past the lies and mind warps of this Tess. Obviously not. I vowed to myself that I wasn’t going to be an easy person to talk to when Max came, I was going to show him how much he betrayed Liz, and I wasn’t going to be at all nice.
At that moment whilst I was lost in thought about how I was going to be as disobedient as I could, Max came through the doors and shook all the excess water off him. And as soon as all the water had been shook onto the floor a huge smile erupted on Liz’s face. She got up and went over.
“Hey gorgeous!” She smiled.
“Hey..” Max sighed; he gave me an inquisitive look and looked back to Liz.
“Oh, Max this... is Amber, remember? I’ve told you all about her! You met once a couple of years ago but I doubt you’ll remember.”
“Oh... yeah I do actually! How could I forget?” He smiled at me, I gave him a short smile back and huffed and looked away.
He came over and sat down opposite me and Liz joined him. Great. I couldn’t escape him now.
“So you had a good flight? Not too many boring films I hope,” Max tried.
“Er, yeah there was this one about this guy who cheated on his girlfriend and got the cow he was two-timing her with pregnant, and then like an idiot,” at this point I looked up from my hot chocolate and gave Liz a stare “she took him back and they lived happily ever after,” I said sarcastically. Liz threw a look at me. Good one. I thought to my self, if only Maria could see me now she’d be laughing her head off, it was an insult even Maria would’ve been proud of.Max looked quite taken aback, only he still managed to say “Oh so what was it called?” Max tried again.....but failed.
“Erm, Powerful Forces, yeah that was it, got Orlando Bloom in it, and Keira Knightly you know that big box office movie?” I put so much emphasis in the word ‘forces’ I nearly shouted it.
“Oh yeah, what was the guy called again?” He tried again, this time he failed miserably.
“Erm, Zack, I think quite a stupid name really, I don’t like names like that I think they’re abnormal.” whatever he was going to say I wasn’t going take very nicely, I let my feelings show through, like a blister shows up on clear skin.
“Erm, I just need to sort out the kitchen you don’t mind do you? Its just I’ve got to get it sorted before Mum and Dad comes home,” Liz asked, my stomach gave a kind of funny jolt as she said the last sentence but I quickly disputed it.
“Yeah that’s fine,” I replied.
“Ok well, Amber; be nice,” she instructed.
“Of course I will don’t worry, why wouldn’t I be anyway, it’s Max?!” I said with a hint of sarcasm in my voice which only Liz understood.
As Liz went into the kitchen I went back to playing with my hot chocolate. Max coughed loud as though he wanted my attention.
“So, erm how's school?” He enquired. I looked up.
“ You really wanna know?” I gave him a sort of surprised expression on my face.
“Yeah, don’t see why not,”
“Well.....it’s pants basically, rubbish, I hate the place, and I’ve only been there what? Two months? So much for a warm welcome they gave me, straight into top G.C.S.E Maths and English woo hoo for me,” I said sarcastically.
“Oh, that bad then huh? It’s a boarding school you go to right?”
“Yeah, but I’m not posh or anything, its just its the best school there is that's near us and so when we moved I moved to that school too.” To be honest I felt relieved to have been talking to him for once.
“Oh yeah I get you,”
“Yep,” I sighed
“So you haven’t been there that long then have you?”
“Nah, we only just moved into that area anyway so that's why I got put there. They’re all snobs round there though, looking down their noses at you, makes you feel like a piece of dog muck on their brand new Prada shoe or something,”
Max laughed. “Right,” he said.
“I’m just gonna get a drink hold on, I’m sick of this chocolate,”
“K, would you get me one too?”
“Yeah sure,” I said as I went over to the counter. He followed
As I stepped behind the counter a glass on the drying rack slipped off. I bent down to pick it up and the back of my top pulled up showing my back........and the scars.

To be continued........

Same to me too, be gentle. I'm gonna have to post it in sections, it'll be way to long if it posted all of it in one go.

ooh tension...
carry it on ria - i want to see what happens - it's started off well.

Lol,

Thankies LJ. Tis a bit fluffy. I'll try and edit all the informal talk, makes it seem to teenie. It's no where near as intellectual as Kates! Lol.

Next part will be up soon.

Ok, I have another poem

Tonight I'm painting my eyelids closed
because I look pretty when I'm sleeping
the ribbons on my wrists
are just more secrets that I'm keeping
dont touch me with your barehands.
its dangerous - I'm bleeding.
control me console me
hurt me just hold me
you'll love me
till you know me.
I'm already getting old.
this chaos is my lullaby
dont worry - there will be another guy.
you cant fail if you dont try
my hands are always cold.
I'm not broken but I'm breaking
see the holes in my sides
I'm not breathing but I'm faking
I'm just closing my eyes
put your head under water
dont turn off the faucet
youre Gods little daughter..
.. I think that girls lost it ..

Next part...

There was a huge flash of lightening from outside and at that instant Max fell to the floor and held his head. I jumped up and panicked. Oh God, I couldn’t have killed my cousin’s boyfriend already. I dropped the cup and ran round to him. I knelt down by the side of him and started checking to see if he was still breathing. Thankfully he was. He looked as though he was still conscious, his eyes were open and he was holding his hands on his head as though he was suffering from a terrible headache.
I tried to turn him over to see if I could see any cuts. But as soon as I touched him, I saw a blinding flash. It must have been what Max was seeing; it was like a flashback playing on a TV screen right in front of our eyes. No, it couldn’t be, it just couldn’t. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. How? Was it the scars that had made him do this? I was being put through it all again, the day, the night, the torture, I couldn’t bear it, but somehow I couldn’t let go. This was exactly what Max must have been seeing; it was a bright sunny day and there I was back in the sweltering classroom. Then I saw myself, and Serena sat behind me. No, not again please don’t let me see this again. Please someone come and help me out of this, Liz where were you, I need you please, were the thoughts that were spinning round in my head. Where was she? Surely she would’ve heard max fall to the ground and the cup. I couldn’t take my eyes off what was in front of me. I saw her reach across her desk and cut my hair. I felt it all again, the piercing of my skin by the compass, making a huge gash across the back of my neck and blood pour down my back. I remember thinking that a wasp or something had stung me. Max was watching this whole thing. I felt the back of my neck; I could feel the pain, but not the blood. Then I saw myself feel the back of my neck. I was watching myself feeling the blood on my neck where she had cut me. I brought my hand round to my face where I could see what it was. A look of horror spread, across my face. Staring at the deep dark red on my hand. I looked up. There was a huge gasp from the rest of the class as they all realised what I was staring at. “Er, sir?” Serena said, “I think Amber’s had a bit of trouble with a compass, look,” the whole class erupted in laughter; they all thought it was me. Me who had sliced the back of my neck open. I saw my French teacher swivel round and gasp at my hand. The whole class was laughing. I felt completely humiliated. It wasn’t me. It was the cow sat behind me. How could she do this?? FLASH.
I felt myself being pulled back to the ground as though I had been flying. I was back. Back in the cafe and was staring at Max. He had come round and was gasping for air and out of breath. I realised I was holding his head and pulled away sharply. Then Liz came rushing in from all the noise.
“What, what happened?” she asked.
“I fell,” Max said, “and Amber ran to help me that’s all,” he said getting up.
“Yeah, he really freaked me out, he was out cold for about 2 minutes,” I went along with it.
“What?” Liz said “I heard you fall about 20 seconds ago you can’t have been out for that long,” Liz had a puzzled expression on her face. What? I thought. She had just this second heard what had happened? It didn’t seem right; the flashes seemed to go on for about 5 minutes maybe more. This was getting weird; she can’t have just heard it surely?
“What?! It-it seemed like longer,” I quickly came round.
“Oh, I thought all hell had broken loose!” Liz joked.
“No just my back!” Max said, “Must’ve slipped on the floor from the rain.” I looked down to where Max had laid. There was water there, but I was sure that it hadn’t been there when I went over to the counter to get a drink.
“Well, I er, best be going home, it’s late, and I don’t want to get stuck out all night ‘cos of that,” Max nodded to the door, the storm outside was even more fierce than before the rain was pounding against the windows like tennis balls.
“Yeah ok, see you tomorrow,” Liz replied.
“Er yeah, see you tomorrow,” I said feeling awkward.
“Yeah bye,” he left.
“God, I didn’t realise the time we best be getting to bed,” Liz said.
“Yeah we better,“ I replied still dazed from what had just happened.
We closed all the doors in the cafe and made our way up to Liz’s bedroom. It was a dark purple colour with dozens of photos dotted around her room, all of her and either Max or Maria. She’d put up a bed next to hers for me to sleep in. I was in no great rush to hang about so I climbed into bed and turned over, thoughts still racing in and out of my mind. Liz came in from the bathroom.
“You ok?” She asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine just tired. Night,” I replied.
“Yeah ok, good night,” she climbed into bed and turned of the light. But it wasn’t a good night at all. I kept getting a reoccurring dream of the events that I saw earlier in the cafe. I cried out loud and screamed and woke myself up, cold sweat dripping down my face. I tried to calm myself down and to try to get some sleep but it was no use. Max knew my secret, I’d kept it from everyone, it was the reason I hated the place so much, it was the one thing I knew Liz would be able to help me with but I never got the chance to tell her the day before. And now Max knew, what the hell was I going to do? Next day was my Welcoming Party, I’ll have to tell Liz then, I can’t let her find out from Max. As I planned out the conversation I was going to have with Liz the following day, I soon drifted off to sleep.

What dya think?

Loz, I really really liked that. I thought it was great. I would put my fave parts down but I would end up posting most of it! Nice work yet again

WIWS, I haven't read yours yet for the reason it's quite long and I'm too lazy. But I will soon!

quote:

Loz, I really really liked that. I thought it was great. I would put my fave parts down but I would end up posting most of it! Nice work yet again

Aaw, thanks Heena

Likin' all the work here, guys.

Looking forward to more of yours, IWIWS.

Loz, I really liked that poetry. My favourite lines were:

quote:

control me console me
hurt me just hold me

and:

quote:

I'm not broken but I'm breaking

Nice work!

sorry, this is gonna be a lame cop-out post. i haven't read either of your writing things because i really havent had time to really read it (and i don't want to just skim it, it's not fair that way). undoubtedly, they're both really good but i'll talk about them properly when i've done my maths tomorrow, promise!

keep up the good work everyone! budding writers indeed.

Good luck, LJ!

never really been on this thread before but just read hopkins' poem and i thought i was really great,it had a really good rhythmn to it, sounded like song lyrics. i think you are all brave posting your work, i did a creative writing module at uni and i hated even my lecturer reading my work! might go find my portfolio and see how bad it really was!!

quote:

does she have superpowers? or am i way off the mark here?

Hee hee, yeah she does have powers of some sort.

Thanks guys for the nice comments!

I'll update soon!

thanks becky!

loz - i really honestly loved the poem. does it sound really arsey to say you've gotten better? i don't mean to sound rude or anything or to insinuate that you weren't good before - but you seriously have gotten better. well in my opinion. the imagery was great and it just really worked.

ria - nice continuation although i still don't quite get what's going on in the story. the girl has some kind of powers and saw what happened through the eyes of max? what happened? she got cut with a compass? sorry, i'm just trying to sort this out in my head - i'm very easily confused, but otherwise yes keep going, i'm intrigued to see what happens next.

MONKA! post post post! be brave! we're all friends here, it's no big deal and, after doing a creative writing module in uni, i'm sure you're pretty damn good.