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Great to have you back on the thread, Rae! There's some really great stuff on here from everyone and it's fantastic. Thanks very much for the compliment, I have to say that I really don't know where you're coming from. I forced myself to write it on the train last wednesday just to break up my constant moaning about how tired I am in my notepad - which is a waste of good paper - and I am not a fan. But it's always nice to hear it's not as cringe-worthy for others as it is for me. Will read through your stuff - up for a challenge? Distance, anyone? Or maybe a new one...? ******************************************* *** Hector the disgruntled tortoise was actually quite a happy tortoise until he was hit by a bus *** Honorary Member of the Hector Fan Club  |
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quote: Originally posted by Mickey: You know Becks, for somebody who just dropped a hint as subtle as a brick that I should come to this thread, you don't seem to have written much in it lately. 
I did post a link... Nice one of yours, by the way!  Hello Rae!
"One day my logic was proven wrong because the tide came in and gave me a sail"
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Oh God, I still havent written anything *is ashamed*
******************************
Luv Loz
*Founding member of LMFAO*
*29th member of the Abby forum fan club*
*16th member of the Carby forum fanclub*
~*~Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't really following you~*~
~*~Its a mixture of Jazz and Funk - I call it Junk~*~
All you have to look forward to is unconsciousness; but you can never sleep - Jip, Human Traffic
Are you saying you want to be like me? Newbie, cant you see that, I just barely wanna be like me...? - Dr Cox, Scrubs
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AND SO YOU SHOULD BE! heh heh, aw loz. go ahead, right something, put something up! anything at all... ******************************************* *** Hector the disgruntled tortoise was actually quite a happy tortoise until he was hit by a bus *** Honorary Member of the Hector Fan Club |
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I havent written anything for ages, been so damn busy....I will soon, promise
******************************
Luv Loz
*Founding member of LMFAO*
*29th member of the Abby forum fan club*
*16th member of the Carby forum fanclub*
~*~Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't really following you~*~
~*~Its a mixture of Jazz and Funk - I call it Junk~*~
All you have to look forward to is unconsciousness; but you can never sleep - Jip, Human Traffic
Are you saying you want to be like me? Newbie, cant you see that, I just barely wanna be like me...? - Dr Cox, Scrubs
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*BUMP* No writing, guys? Jeeze...You lot...  I have a piece of poetry in progress so you can't call me hypocritical, hehe!
"One day my logic was proven wrong because the tide came in and gave me a sail"
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So my link didn't work. Grr. Stupid site is down, apparently. But it is funny! So...I wrote a poem last night... quote:
I watched the sun slip away, saw
stars escape to heaven.
You were sat right beside me; arm wrapped around
Not a word passed between us,
in what was our silent retreat.
Fragmented shapes rose in a cloudless sky;
remnants of a friendship that never could be.
Tousled and turned, they sporadically flew
Vanishing; they led us away
A tightening of arms around a content torso
A meeting of desperate eyes seething a moment
Controlled minds shatter in a flourish of hope
Hope that a new era would begin, from here.
...Feedback, please? 
"One day my logic was proven wrong because the tide came in and gave me a sail"
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The language is very good, Becks. It's a nice little piece. One suggestion? It's a romantic poem, and rather sweet as such - but "you were sat right beside me" sounds a little glaring. It's fine in speech, and in some forms of writing - but in this it sounds a little coarse. I appreciate that you might need to twiddle about with things to get it to fit, but somehow "You were sitting beside me" sounds more suited to the mood. Just my opinion though, of course. 
"Someone's got to fight the good fight."
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It's ''just your opinion'' Micks, but one that I value very much. I see what you mean. Thankyou. I'll do some tweaking to that bit, later. Did you like my link?
"One day my logic was proven wrong because the tide came in and gave me a sail"
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Ooh. *Becky is suddenly thoughtful* Is it the 'right beside me' that does it - effectively, the use of 'right'? Would something like 'you were sat close beside me' sound better?
"One day my logic was proven wrong because the tide came in and gave me a sail"
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IMHO it's the "sat" that's glaring. "You were sat" is common in speech, and it's okay sometimes in writing, but for a sweet little piece of poetry, somehow it doesn't seem right. Anybody else pick up on this, or is it just me?!
"Someone's got to fight the good fight."
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Okay...*thinks*
"One day my logic was proven wrong because the tide came in and gave me a sail"
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Sorry!  You don't have to listen to me!
"Someone's got to fight the good fight."
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No, no. Don't be silly. *shakes head* Believe it or not, I want to listen to you. I value your opinion, you know.
"One day my logic was proven wrong because the tide came in and gave me a sail"
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I MUST write, I MUST
******************************
Luv Loz
*Founding member of LMFAO*
*29th member of the Abby forum fan club*
*16th member of the Carby forum fanclub*
~*~Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't really following you~*~
~*~Its a mixture of Jazz and Funk - I call it Junk~*~
All you have to look forward to is unconsciousness; but you can never sleep - Jip, Human Traffic
Are you saying you want to be like me? Newbie, cant you see that, I just barely wanna be like me...? - Dr Cox, Scrubs
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Do it, Loz. Do it.
"One day my logic was proven wrong because the tide came in and gave me a sail"
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So, I've actually been thinking. Mickey: Would ''you were close beside me; arm wrapped around'' sound any better?!
"One day my logic was proven wrong because the tide came in and gave me a sail"
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Hang on. So then it would be: quote: I watched the sun slip away, saw
stars escape to heaven.
You were close beside me; arm wrapped around
Not a word passed between us,
in what was our silent retreat.
Fragmented shapes rose in a cloudless sky;
remnants of a friendship that never could be.
Tousled and turned, they sporadically flew
Vanishing; they led us away
A tightening of arms around a content torso
A meeting of desperate eyes seething a moment
Controlled minds shatter in a flourish of hope
Hope that a new era would begin, from here.
Yeah. That works.
"Someone's got to fight the good fight."
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Thanks Mickey! I'm thinking 'will' instead of 'would', too, but never mind.
"One day my logic was proven wrong because the tide came in and gave me a sail"
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Hey Deebs. Sorry, I kind of gave up there when the threads kept disappearing. Be over in a mo.
"Someone's got to fight the good fight."
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GD? 
"One day my logic was proven wrong because the tide came in and gave me a sail"
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Someone set me a little challenge...I've accepted it, written it, but I'm not convinced it flows properly. If anyone would or could just check through it, I'd be greatly appreciative? quote: I've said it before and I'll say it again: Ben Folds is an undoubted musical genius. With his inept talent for self-expressionism; his talented fingers; beloved piano; and his somewhat dishevelled and geeky appearance, he is legendary.
Seeing him at a recent gig in June - first cancelled due to a bout of 'pneumonia' - only reaffirmed both my love and respect for him. He rocks those suburbs; he sings for Silverman; he has landed. Stepping into the British limelight today has been a somewhat easy task for him, creating more and more British followers. True Folds fans, of course, will be familiar with Ben Folds Five - a formation of three - and their 'different' style. Hailed as American pop-rock legends of the early nineties, they produced hits such as 'Army', 'Rockin' The Suburbs' and 'Underground'. However, when they split, Ben Folds continued making his music and produced 'Rockin' The Suburbs' - his first solo album. Songs that appeared on these would have been familiar to Five fans, as many of them were repeats but sung by Folds himself - and only himself. Following this, Folds collaborated with Star-Trek Cap'n, William Shatner, appearing on Shatner's debut album, and he then produced a number of separate EP's, including 'Sunny 16' and 'Songs for Goldfish'.
With the release of his latest album, Songs for Silverman, Folds enveloped Britain, appearing at venues from the top to the bottom of the country. Rockin' out tunes in the only way he knows, he kick-started the crowd, asking them to accompany him on tracks such 'Not the Same' and - a personal favourite - 'Army'. Cracking jokes throughout his performances (about shirts and seats); reasoning his songs; dancing atop his piano; throwing stools; he was as much a performer as an excellent pianist. And the crowd was grateful. Mixing old stuff with the new, he showed just how versatile he is and that the wait for him was worth it. Headlining with '*******' - from his new album - he raced through tracks, allowing his bass and drum players to leave and to treat the audience to a purely Ben experience. Finishing up, hours later, with 'One Angry Dwarf' , he was given a standing ovation from a very happy crowd. You are a true rocker, Mr.Folds.
Under the surface, Ben Folds is a familyman. Having twins - Gracie and Louis , now aged five - he appears very involved in their lives. Those who have watched the accompanying DVD to 'Songs for Silverman' see this throughout, as the film shows a very touching father-daughter scene; Folds happily colouring alongside his daughter. Other evidence of this are songs such as 'Still Fighting it' - from 'The Suburbs' - and 'Gracie' - from 'Songs for Silverman' -, each written for his children, with all the love and compassion of a doting father.
Ben Folds is the Music Man and I hope, soon, to be seeing much more of him.
"One day my logic was proven wrong because the tide came in and gave me a sail"
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"GD" = General Discussions. Not sure "familyman" is one word! Other than that, it all seems fine to me. Probably helps if you're a Folds fan though! Are the asterisks yours, or is the title of the album a word that the forum filter doesn't like?! Only one suggestion - putting pneumonia in quotes makes it look odd. It's not really a quotation.
"Someone's got to fight the good fight."
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quote: Originally posted by Mickey:
"GD" = General Discussions.
Oooh. *feels embarassed* quote: Probably helps if you're a Folds fan though! Are the asterisks yours, or is the title of the album a word that the forum filter doesn't like?!
The whole world should be Folds fans, Micks! And the title is a 'naughty word' - begins with b and ends in astard! quote: Only one suggestion - putting pneumonia in quotes makes it look odd. It's not really a quotation.
Good point. Although whether or not it was pneumonia was debatable. My brother has a theory that it wasn't, as when his tour came second time around, there was a load more publicity; him appearing on GMTV, Ross and Parkinson. My brother, therefore, put it down to a gimmick. | |
