And give me a rundown of the controls on the machine and the remote.

We've got the usual volume controls, tracking, recording etc.

That doesn't give me much to work from MacBecky! Try this. What time do you leave for school in the morning? How about just leaving the video recording on five from just before you leave? A blank 4 hour tape ought to do it, though you can LP it just to be on the safe side. Just a thought.

Failing that, what happens when you press "Menu"?

You smart person, Micks. Though I leave at five past eight...
And there is no menu button!

It starts at 10.30. A four hour tape set off at eight would last until twelve. Long enough for the day's episode. Best to use SP rather than LP as the recording quality is better. You'll get a lot of dross, but there is great pleasure to be had in fast forwarding the ghastly Matthew Wright.

There's no menu button?! The programming must be done from the unit itself then, rather than from the remote? See, according to the Net, your video doesn't exist. So either it's an uncommon model, or you're hallucinating the whole thing. Which might mean that you're hallucinating everything else as well... including all of us. In which case would you mind hallucinating me a better job?! But I digress. Drop down thing on the machine? Switches to press? Make your parents buy you a new one. In the meantime, find thee a blank four hour tape!

Although I'll miss writing the synopses...

Oh no, Micks, you can still write me the synopses! And the hallucinating is possible, I guess. I do do that quite a bit. Or maybe it is that the model is uncommon, I dunno! What do you do for a living anyway, Mickey? If you don't mind my asking?

All kinds of things. I currently have about three part time jobs. That's what happens when you graduate from university with an upper second class honours degree, see - absolutely nobody sensible wants to hire you! Sorry, all of you about to leave for uni...

I think the hallucinating idea is more interesting than the slightly uncommon model of video. How far does the hallucination go though? Are you hallucinating this conversation? All of your fellow posters? Our lives before you were born? Did we exist before you were born? Did you just hallucinate our memories? Did you hallucinate Sunset Beach? (If you did, you may want to start worrying about yourself ).

Does Planet Earth even exist?!

I'm worried now. Queen might just be an hallucination. Hmm.

The questions of life, eh? And we all already know that the answer's 42! Silly, Becky.

And, Mickey, if you don't mind my asking and my acute interest in such things, what was your degree in?

History. Mostly.

Ah, but the question. The question! If the answer is 42, is the question really "What do you get if you multiply six by nine?"!

I guess we'll never ever know....

Check back in a few million years, when the computer is ready.

Oh yeah!
Got an update for me, Micks?

My ditzyness has reach new levels....i recorded channel 3 instead of channel 5

Didn't you record it either, Becky! Honestly!

Okay.

We opened with Del being shot again. In decidedly more gory detail this time. Spawn saw the murderer escape, but whoever it was, was dressed in a black cape. So no face in evidence. Meanwhile Smeg is still drooling all over Bungalow at the beach, and Bungalow is still dreaming about Doctor Martial Law.

TGO drags a struggling Tiffany into his house, angry with her for stalking him. She bashes him over the head. Hooray! Ben's first trip into bye-bye land! If only he knew that he was going to spend the next three years dropping unconscious to a series of floors... But I digress. She ran around in circles apologising and squeaking, then he jumped up and grabbed her, and did the "I'm not the man you think I am" act again. You know the one - the "The producers are going to be milking this 'Am I a murderer?' plot for the next three years, so I might as well have fun with it" act. Then Annie came in with news of Del, and Ben rushed off with her to the hospital. Thickardo was there, alternately getting in everybody's way, and accusing TGO of murdering everybody from Del to JFK. Cruella de Olivia snuffled, Greg looked wistful. Del died. Ben took Annie home. Aunt Bette was cool.

Mark found Tiffany and warned her off Ben. She said she wasn't scared of Ben, but Mark said she should be. Cue lots of shots of Ben looking as tough and as "I could be a murderer - fear me" as you can when wearing a fluffy white jumper. Annie sniffled.

Oh, and Thickardo and Paula may have split up, largely thanks to her mother from hell, and Thickardo being Thickardo. But nobody cares about that anyway.

That was so good mickey....the bit about the fluffy white jumper made me laugh lol.

Y'know im gunna get soooooooo annoyed when ben and meg hook up, im quite enjoying annie and ben - why wernt they a couple?!!!
What did u think of maria and ben, mickey?

Ben and Annie were a couple - before Ben and Maria, remember? That was how Ben and Maria met. We just didn't get to see that stuff.

I liked Ben and Maria. There was never any real chemistry between Ben and Meg, but Ben and Maria seemed to click from the start. I liked their scenes together. She was a bit of a drip at times, but Meg is such a goodie two shoes, she's infuriating! Ben's got that dark side, which could be why he and Annie are such fun together.

Oh yeh, then ben and maria hit it off so she stepped out tha way...

Maria's classic line:
"I cant remember"

Best quote of todays epi by Gregory to Thickardo:
"From finding hairs to having affairs..."

_ nice little rhyme by good old greg, just like the good old SB script writing we remember!!!!!

Thankyou for that, Mickey! A healthy does of Mickey's SB humour as soon as - almost literally - I walk in the door! Lovely job!

Glad to be of service! (Doffs cap).

I'll get around to today's episode later. It was a goodie.

You'll be wanting to tape them soon though, Becky. Next week is when Annie tries holding Ben hostage when the police want to arrest her for her father's murder. Daft choice of hostage. Like Thickardo is going to be careful to avoid hurting Ben! Poor old Ben. If only he had known then that it was only the start of him spending the next three years being held prisoner in a varied succession of places...

Today's episode, in dubious detail, for the video-ishly challenged.

Aunt Bette find Del's blood-soaked wallet in Annie's handbag, and gets all drama queen. She wants to talk to Annie about it, but TGO has appropriated her for a broody walk on the beach. Or at least he's trying to be broody. The fluffy white jumper is still rather hampering that. He asks her if she killed Del, and she dodges the issue, moaning that she never asked him if he killed Maria. They glare, they posture. Collagen Annie shows off her lips, and TGO proves that he can scowl with the best of them even when his clothing is doing its best to resist. Eventually they decide to visit Greasy Greggie (who is a lawyer at this point of the plot. The big business tycoon thing obviously came along later).

Tiffany searches the Net for information on Ben. She's so busy printing off happy stories about his sailing achievements that she continually fails to notice the news story about his suspected involvement in Maria's death, and how he was under police investigation. Smeg carries on mooning about Bungalow. Mark dithers, again, about whether he should tell everybody the truth about who's Dorothy and SB and who isn't. There may have been something else about Paula and her dreadful mother, and whether or not they still love Thickardo, but that's all a bit hazy. I suffer from a severe lack of interest in Paula. Sorry.

Greg tries to sober up an increasingly obnoxious Cruella by sticking her under a shower that he must have had installed for just that purpose, since it seems to be stuck in the middle of the bedroom floor, with no other noticeable shower fixtures nearby. She does her drunken goldfish impersonation, and Greggie, bless, looks all wounded. The writers were still being sympathetic towards him in those days. Or maybe I'm just prejudiced. I like Greasy Gregory! Caitlin walks in during the communal sprinkling, and doesn't bother to ask why her parents are soaking wet. She heads off for coffee and dry clothing. It's really weird seeing Smurf again, anyway. I got used to Bimbi. She talks to Greggie about how sorry she is his best friend just got shot (at least six times now, usually in slow motion). Greggie looks mysterious, as though he's borrowed Ben's patent pending "The producers are going to milk this 'am I a murderer' plot for the next three years so I might as well make use of it" look. He knows about Cruella's affair with Dead Boy, but acts like it's nothing new from her. Maybe he's upset because he fancied Del himself. Ben walks in (praise be, the fluffy white thing has gone!) with Annie and they natter gaily. Well, no they don't. Ben pretends he knows who Caitlin is, despite that that's probably the only scene they have together in the show's entire length, then broods in a corner whilst Greg pretends to be a lawyer, and Annie sulks. My nicknames are slipping. Sorry. TGO broods in a corner and Collagen sulks. I think her lips grow whenever she lies. Sort of like Pinocchio, but poutier.

Thickardo comes in. He wants to interview Annie, but apparently is only allowed to with Greggie and TGO present. They all traipse off for a communal interrogation with half the SB police force looking on. Collagen is being fed answers by half the people present, but Thickardo fails to notice.

Little Miss Bubblewrap keeps getting attacked by people, incidentally. Who they are, nobody knows. Michael gallantly attempts to save her, but she has to save him instead. His door-kicking-down skills are excellent, but he sucks at fighting. So does she, but clearly she's not supposed to. A case of director and actor not being up to the demands of the plot, clearly. Hire a stuntman next time! Anyway, then she faints, and refuses to let Michael call the police. Hang on - then she faints, then she wakes up, and then she refuses to let Michael call the police. Oh yes, and Olivia has a meeting with Eddie and tries to persuade him to cover up for her enthusiasm over wanting to hire a hitman at the Christmas party. Odd place to try to hire a hitman, and a policeman is an odd person to ask about it, but then Cruella is a very odd lady. Then she runs off to hide a gun. Meanwhile Thickardo is convinced he's got his killer, but since he's the one who keeps having flashbacks to the murder, I think he should probably be arresting himself.

And we end with Aunt Bette sitting in the Java Web, inexplicably cuddling Del's blood-soaked wallet. Get rid of it you daft woman!

Thankyou, Mickey! You've made my day...a second time!

What can I say? It's a talent!

Undoubtedly!

I just have to conquer my habit of favouring the TGO and Collagen plot lines, and ignoring everybody else.